Stretch Fabric Boot

Saab 9-3 Convertible (2000 model) roof problems?

2009-04-14T01:20:00.002-07:00

Hey there

My roof has developed a problem. The fabric cover works fine but the plastic cover that hides the open roof doesn%26#039;t raise without manual assistance (only slight help is needed, though) and then slams down once the roof is fully retracted. Often the locking catches are closed, menaing the cover doesn%26#039;t lock. I can move the roof button back and forward, raise the cover again and then they%26#039;ll open and lock as normal. I%26#039;ve checked the level in the hyd reservior - it was a tad low, but now filled as per the marks ($50 for 0.5l - robbery!). I%26#039;ve looked at the springs (intact) and hyd ram (no leaks) in the boot area. Any ideas on what to test/check next?

Saab 9-3 Convertible (2000 model) roof problems?
Check the right rear quarter panel in side the trunk behind the fabric, there is a rod with a universal joint, the joint has a pin that breaks.

I think you have to replace the joint, or maybe the pin is replaceable, I can%26#039;t remember.

This is pretty common, and the dealer usually has it in stock.
Reply:The joint for the cover is broken
Reply:The pin has sheared in the joint. Drive it out with a punch and then install a new shear pin. A Saab dealer can perform this in about a 1/2 hour plus the cost of the pin...a couple of dollars

hot model

Found "felt painting" at garage sale. Much detail; not like velvet paintings.?

2009-04-14T01:20:00.001-07:00

On beige felt. Three men: r.r. guy (Otto) and two others playing checkers by a black pot-bellied stove. One cat, as well as details of store%26#039;s supplies (spices, fabrics, brooms, fruits, pickle barrels, coffee, tea, oil lamps, etc. The men%26#039;s names are Otto, Joe, %26amp; Ray (on hats %26amp; clothes). Floor is wooden %26amp; there%26#039;s a door leading to another room on the left. Details even include shadows of objects %26amp; metallic paint for metal teapots. Colors: browns, browinsh-red, blues %26amp; greens. Not real bright. There%26#039;s a square, wooden column on left. Size: about 3 1/2%26#039; by 2 1/2%26#039;. Simple wooden frame. One man is smoking a pipe %26amp; wearing work boots like my granddad%26#039;s (brown with a hoop to help pull them on) %26amp; one wears glasses. Medium includes paint, felt pen, %26amp; pencil. Five broomheads are in the forefront of the picture. A gas or kerosene lamp hangs over Otto%26#039;s head. May be like %26quot;paint by numbers%26quot; mentioned before, but seems less %26quot;guided%26quot; than those. Must%26#039;ve taken long time to do.

Found %26quot;felt painting%26quot; at garage sale. Much detail; not like velvet paintings.?
Sounds nice....LOL.....did you say %26#039;garage sale%26#039; or %26#039;garbage sale%26#039;?
Reply:As of this date I do not know of many valuable painting done on felt. But you could take a picture and put it on ebay. Maybe you would find out about it and make a little money too!

dance steps

Do you think this matches or not?

2009-04-14T01:20:00.000-07:00

I have this brown skirt that%26#039;s like well..made up of different fabrics, like there%26#039;s a strap of leather, then cotton then lace, you know, like that. I%26#039;m gonna wear maroonish colored boots with it, and i was just wondering if a white sweater (with short sleeves though, as in t-shirt short) goes with it or a maroon sweater (full length sleeve). Also, should i wear black tights or not? :)

Do you think this matches or not?
I think the maroon sweater will look good with the skirt, since it probably matches with the boots too.

I don%26#039;t think the black tights will go well with the brown skirt, because black and brown don%26#039;t really go well together.

The outfit sounds cute though! :D
Reply:Not the black tights!!!!!!! I think you should wear the white shirt, but that is just my opinion.

.........just remember NO black tights!

:) later!!!
Reply:IS WAS PERFENT EXCEPT THE BLACK THIGHTS PLEASE LEAVE IT OUT IT WILL NOT MATCH YOUR AWSOME OUTFIT.
Reply:I think that would be fine... ALTHOUGH, skip the black tights, and get a tan color or tan net tights. Because black does not look that great with the brown skirt ur talking about.
Reply:Not the white sweater, definately! Maroon is good, or mauve, ivory or any other fall color. Brown and black don%26#039;t go too well either. Do you have any other colors of tights?
Reply:It all sounds good EXCEPT for the black tights!! Get some textured brown or ivory ones instead.

discount makeup

What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?

2009-04-14T01:19:00.003-07:00

Aries

Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens%26#039; %26quot;Hard Headed Woman%26quot; was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don%26#039;t discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.

They skip gaily from their mothers%26#039; wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you%26#039;re Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios%26#039; dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams%26#039; horns are in everyone else%26#039;s asses.

Taurus

You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you%26#039;re up, the next you%26#039;re down, the next you%26#039;ve shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, %26quot;just %26#039;cuz.%26quot;. You%26#039;re very earthy, which may mean that you don%26#039;t shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.

The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won%26#039;t come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can%26#039;t get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren%26#039;t for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn%26#039;t know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.

Gemini

Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it%26#039;s more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you%26#039;re finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.

Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for %26quot;I%26#039;m okay, I%26#039;m okay.%26quot; Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.

Cancer

You like to know what%26#039;s going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what%26#039;s going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as %26quot;erratic.%26quot; You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone%26#039;s savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there%26#039;s a hostage situation.

A Cancer is like a walking Ladies%26#039; Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho%26#039;s and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you%26#039;re probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be %26quot;tactful%26quot;. The word for this is actually %26quot;shiftless%26quot;. Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans

Leo

You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can%26#039;t find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.

A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren%26#039;t, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching %26quot;Entertainment Tonight%26quot;. Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, %26quot;radical cult leader%26quot; is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don%26#039;t worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.

Virgo

You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word %26quot;Virgo%26quot;. Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because %26quot;the bastard had a filthy car%26quot;. The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.

Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there%26#039;s something under the fridge. But it%26#039;s usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don%26#039;t see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They%26#039;ll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don%26#039;t put cheese where it doesn%26#039;t belong in a Virgo%26#039;s refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of %26quot;The Shining%26quot;. After that, he went all Leo.

Libra

You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can%26#039;t make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don%26#039;t understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.

The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don%26#039;t eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they%26#039;ve never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.

Scorpio

You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they%26#039;re going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o%26#039; Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.

Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It%26#039;s no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won%26#039;t get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be %26quot;I%26#039;m sorry, what?%26quot; Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it%26#039;s automated, they can hack it.

Sagittarius

Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.

Don%26#039;t ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they%26#039;re sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there%26#039;s a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.

Capricorn

Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he%26#039;s all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he%26#039;s overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can%26#039;t overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.

In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don%26#039;t want to live in a world like that. The nation%26#039;s ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin%26#039; Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don%26#039;t involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don%26#039;t have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns

Aquarius

The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia%26#039;s image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.

Aquarians use the phrase %26quot;Dude, man...%26quot; frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they%26#039;ve been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don%26#039;t think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.

Pisces

Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn%26#039;t happen in %26quot;The Velveteen Rabbit%26quot;, it doesn%26#039;t exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.

Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don%26#039;t be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won%26#039;t tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want %26quot;honest criticism%26quot; of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don%26#039;t like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn%26#039;t matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren%26#039;t positive they know what they%26#039;re talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don%26#039;t like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.

What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?
I am a Libra.Not accurate.
Reply:GSFGFEGNMDFBGSRUIHERSHGTUIARYHGDRABVGJHA...
Reply:I%26#039;m a Sag. and some of that is true.
Reply:Aries here!! It%26#039;s got me dead-to-right!! Thanks
Reply:Taurus and It kinda describe me..
Reply:i am aries and yes it does thanks
Reply:I am an Aries and it pretty much describes me to a tee....my first husband was a Pisces...much happier now with my sexxxy Virgo husband
Reply:im an aries, but it really dont describe me ..
Reply:I am a Leo,

and No that is not me at all.

Far from it!!!

ET
Reply:I am a Leo....I%26#039;m really not that arrogant and superficial
Reply:I%26#039;m a sagittarian - just call me thunder pants! LOL
Reply:Im Piscian.. bt its nt quite like me.. lol...
Reply:OMG! I%26#039;m so Scorpio, it hurts (physically :P) )
Reply:No way is this right
Reply:Libra here and a very few things but for the most part no not me at all.
Reply:no
Reply:Scorpio, and some of it describes me in a way, other than the fact that I would never ever hack into computer systems because I know in my heart that it%26#039;s illegal.
Reply:Aquarius. Like to be naked at home.
Reply:I%26#039;m taurus and I think that an aries wrote this.
Reply:capricorn, and NO it%26#039;s a far cry from the real me.
Reply:Libra
Reply:Scorpio......that some of me is true...ha ha
Reply:I%26#039;m a Capricorn. The only thing I saw that%26#039;s correct about me is that I%26#039;m smart.
Reply:Aquarian here!

some are true, some are not..

cool though!
Reply:I%26#039;m an Aquarius technically. But none of that describes me. I%26#039;m a major introvert, and dislike Jerry Garcia.

sunburns

What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)?

2009-04-14T01:19:00.002-07:00

I’m a Sagittarius!! Damn ******* TRUE!

Aries

Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens%26#039; %26quot;Hard Headed Woman%26quot; was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don%26#039;t discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.

They skip gaily from their mothers%26#039; wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you%26#039;re Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios%26#039; dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams%26#039; horns are in everyone else%26#039;s asses.

Taurus

You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you%26#039;re up, the next you%26#039;re down, the next you%26#039;ve shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, %26quot;just %26#039;cuz.%26quot;. You%26#039;re very earthy, which may mean that you don%26#039;t shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.

The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won%26#039;t come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can%26#039;t get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren%26#039;t for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn%26#039;t know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.

Gemini

Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it%26#039;s more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you%26#039;re finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.

Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for %26quot;I%26#039;m okay, I%26#039;m okay.%26quot; Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.

Cancer

You like to know what%26#039;s going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what%26#039;s going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as %26quot;erratic.%26quot; You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone%26#039;s savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there%26#039;s a hostage situation.

A Cancer is like a walking Ladies%26#039; Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho%26#039;s and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you%26#039;re probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be %26quot;tactful%26quot;. The word for this is actually %26quot;shiftless%26quot;. Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans

Leo

You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can%26#039;t find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.

A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren%26#039;t, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching %26quot;Entertainment Tonight%26quot;. Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, %26quot;radical cult leader%26quot; is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don%26#039;t worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.

Virgo

You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word %26quot;Virgo%26quot;. Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because %26quot;the bastard had a filthy car%26quot;. The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.

Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there%26#039;s something under the fridge. But it%26#039;s usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don%26#039;t see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They%26#039;ll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don%26#039;t put cheese where it doesn%26#039;t belong in a Virgo%26#039;s refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of %26quot;The Shining%26quot;. After that, he went all Leo.

Libra

You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can%26#039;t make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don%26#039;t understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.

The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don%26#039;t eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they%26#039;ve never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.

Scorpio

You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they%26#039;re going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o%26#039; Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.

Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It%26#039;s no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won%26#039;t get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be %26quot;I%26#039;m sorry, what?%26quot; Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it%26#039;s automated, they can hack it.

Sagittarius

Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.

Don%26#039;t ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they%26#039;re sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there%26#039;s a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.

Capricorn

Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he%26#039;s all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he%26#039;s overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can%26#039;t overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.

In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don%26#039;t want to live in a world like that. The nation%26#039;s ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin%26#039; Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don%26#039;t involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don%26#039;t have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns

Aquarius

The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia%26#039;s image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.

Aquarians use the phrase %26quot;Dude, man...%26quot; frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they%26#039;ve been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don%26#039;t think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.

Pisces

Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn%26#039;t happen in %26quot;The Velveteen Rabbit%26quot;, it doesn%26#039;t exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.

Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don%26#039;t be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won%26#039;t tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want %26quot;honest criticism%26quot; of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don%26#039;t like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn%26#039;t matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren%26#039;t positive they know what they%26#039;re talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don%26#039;t like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.

What%26#039;s your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)?
Gemini

And no it%26#039;s not true about me
Reply:Hellz yeah! :] Report It

Reply:teh who are you callin pain in the *** none of that is true about me and i%26#039;am a virgo iam very sloppy i dont give a **** and i dnt make up lame jokes like that u ****** got my mad **** you you ****** dumb ****!!!! i dont clean and i aint a pain in the *** iam very unorganized Report It

Reply:im an born on the cusp making me capercorn and aquarius my moon is in aquarius and my rising is leo

i agreee with the leo aquarius and ccapricorn definition! Report It

Reply:LMAO!!! I am Pisces hear me roar! Screw Leo! LOL J/K! But it is close to me with a few things different but I think that is more to do with the other signs in my chart. 1st is I have internal GPS so I can find my way out of anywhere and 2nd I can find the little dipper to! LOL Yes I do debate things but my favorite come back to people is prove your side because when they can%26#039;t then who is to say that I am wrong? OH and yes I have a great sense of humor and I can be very sarcastic in a funny way though but I can also unleash the asshole if the situation arises. One thing I have been told is I am horrible to get into a argument with because I don%26#039;t hold back and I go right for the jugular. But to me if some one wants to start something then you get what you ask for so simply put don%26#039;t start crap if you don%26#039;t want to hear things that hurt. Just to point out I will never start an argument ever i would rather just let it go but people sometime persist in it so I want to finish it.
Reply:Aquarius--That was the most entertaining horoscope ever! Although it wasn%26#039;t entirely true, I do love to be naked. When I was younger, I was often jealous of men because it is socially acceptable for them to walk around topless.
Reply:I%26#039;m sag, and there are bits that are true, but not all of it.

You don%26#039;t really believe that Jesus was a Capricorn, do you?
Reply:Cover up the signs, and each one applies/doesn%26#039;t apply just as much as the next. No, my sign isn%26#039;t very accurate.
Reply:HAHAHA Thats the most funniest star signs shite i ever read

im a Aries and your sooo full of shite..well kinda, lol

actually i agree with alot about you said about Taurus, thats so damn true (i cant stand them anyway)

and Geminis%26quot; Geminis vandalize their own houses%26quot; HAHAHAAAAAAA...Man you make me laugh..seeya
Reply:I%26#039;m a Sagittarius, and that is SO me (except for the transvestite thing). Especially the whole vomit/pooper thing. I%26#039;m like--look, don%26#039;t act as if you%26#039;ve never done it before! You can stand at the door and listen if you want to, but I wouldn%26#039;t recommend it! And I%26#039;ve always thought that about New York too, seeing as I%26#039;m from there. And also, it really is quite impossible for me to be unhip!

All in all, it was hilarious, lol!
Reply:Capricorn....And no it%26#039;s not true about me
Reply:Hahaha Im a gemini

I think its all rubbish...
Reply:im a sagittariuos too! im adventurers and and have tons of nicknames. thats about it. i think? did not finish reading.
Reply:Sagitarrius and yes, it is somewhat true.

The Aquarian one is somewhat true for me as well and Aquarius is my rising.

The Leo one is somewhat true as well because Leo is my moon.

I found the Sag one quite humourous.

It is slightly true.
Reply:I%26#039;m a Libra, and the only parts I can relate to are: Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. (I%26#039;m one of them).

Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. (I couldn%26#039;t explain that but I still manage to retain a good deal of brain power while drunk, it%26#039;s true).
Reply:although that was kinda funny, I find it all false. Although the sag one was slightly true! lol and Virgos definitely was the most accurate one out of all of them.
Reply:Im a scorpio and No its not true about me~
Reply:Sagittarius.

hahahahaha. Dude, that%26#039;s funny!

....because it%26#039;s true! (Well, most of it)

Also, I have a %26quot;friend%26quot; who%26#039;s a Scorpio...and that description couldn%26#039;t describe her more clearly. HAHA. =))

Where%26#039;d you find this? I%26#039;ve been trying to look for something like this, like astrology humor.
Reply:I%26#039;m a Libra and this is very true about me but a couple of things you were wrong about.
Reply:LOL Pisces ....to an extent..

**
Reply:I%26#039;M A SCORPIO AND THE INFOMATION IS NOT TRUE! U MADE THIS DIDN%26#039;T U? LOOK I%26#039;M ALREADY MAD AT SOMEONE DON%26#039;T MAKE ME EVEN MORE ANGRY!
Reply:Im a Capricorn, Thats not True about me.
Reply:cap. + that is totally not true. whoever made that up really wasted there time..
Reply:ur a funny guy for writing all that. lol im aries i think wait let me check and oh yea it was true because i do have a creative mind.
Reply:LOL, Good chuckle out of that, it was right on the mark! :D
Reply:virgo and it is so true obsessive compulsive cleaner i can not help it
Reply:hahah I%26#039;m a pisces.Some of the things aren%26#039;t me at all.Others are me to a t.
Reply:I%26#039;m a Cancer. I read a couple things that were true, but for the most part that description didn%26#039;t fit me all. Everyone that knows me will tell you that I%26#039;m NOBODY%26#039;S doormat! I don%26#039;t tolerate that sh*t for one second. It was an interesting read though. =)
Reply:You bad guy!
Reply:a cancer. basically true but exaggerated to the effect of twisted. its comical, though. =)
Reply:I%26#039;m a Gemini, not a schitzo but people do love me, don%26#039;t moon people but will fight with a child if I have to, and yes I am loud and yes I do want to be heard, don%26#039;t drive a funny car but have got into a car rick b/c I was busy looking at a this girls big totos while driving
Reply:im a gemini and it%26#039;s absolutely true to me :)
Reply:Your a loser ! You were so wrong about Cancer%26#039;s, jerk !
Reply:Is this some kind of joke?

FAIL.

peeling skin sunburn

What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?

2009-04-14T01:19:00.001-07:00

Aries

Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens%26#039; %26quot;Hard Headed Woman%26quot; was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don%26#039;t discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.

They skip gaily from their mothers%26#039; wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you%26#039;re Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios%26#039; dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams%26#039; horns are in everyone else%26#039;s asses.

Taurus

You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you%26#039;re up, the next you%26#039;re down, the next you%26#039;ve shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, %26quot;just %26#039;cuz.%26quot;. You%26#039;re very earthy, which may mean that you don%26#039;t shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.

The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won%26#039;t come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can%26#039;t get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren%26#039;t for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn%26#039;t know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.

Gemini

Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it%26#039;s more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you%26#039;re finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.

Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for %26quot;I%26#039;m okay, I%26#039;m okay.%26quot; Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.

Cancer

You like to know what%26#039;s going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what%26#039;s going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as %26quot;erratic.%26quot; You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone%26#039;s savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there%26#039;s a hostage situation.

A Cancer is like a walking Ladies%26#039; Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho%26#039;s and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you%26#039;re probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be %26quot;tactful%26quot;. The word for this is actually %26quot;shiftless%26quot;. Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans

Leo

You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can%26#039;t find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.

A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren%26#039;t, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching %26quot;Entertainment Tonight%26quot;. Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, %26quot;radical cult leader%26quot; is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don%26#039;t worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.

Virgo

You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word %26quot;Virgo%26quot;. Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because %26quot;the bastard had a filthy car%26quot;. The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.

Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there%26#039;s something under the fridge. But it%26#039;s usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don%26#039;t see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They%26#039;ll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don%26#039;t put cheese where it doesn%26#039;t belong in a Virgo%26#039;s refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of %26quot;The Shining%26quot;. After that, he went all Leo.

Libra

You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can%26#039;t make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don%26#039;t understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.

The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don%26#039;t eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they%26#039;ve never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.

Scorpio

You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they%26#039;re going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o%26#039; Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.

Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It%26#039;s no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won%26#039;t get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be %26quot;I%26#039;m sorry, what?%26quot; Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it%26#039;s automated, they can hack it.

Sagittarius

Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.

Don%26#039;t ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they%26#039;re sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there%26#039;s a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.

Capricorn

Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he%26#039;s all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he%26#039;s overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can%26#039;t overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.

In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don%26#039;t want to live in a world like that. The nation%26#039;s ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin%26#039; Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don%26#039;t involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don%26#039;t have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns

Aquarius

The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia%26#039;s image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.

Aquarians use the phrase %26quot;Dude, man...%26quot; frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they%26#039;ve been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don%26#039;t think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.

Pisces

Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn%26#039;t happen in %26quot;The Velveteen Rabbit%26quot;, it doesn%26#039;t exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.

Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don%26#039;t be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won%26#039;t tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want %26quot;honest criticism%26quot; of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don%26#039;t like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn%26#039;t matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren%26#039;t positive they know what they%26#039;re talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don%26#039;t like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.

What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?
Scorpio and yes it%26#039;s all true. I am the next Bill Gates. lol
Reply:WOOHA!~!!
Reply:HELL NO!!!! I%26#039;m a Sagittarius and sure doesn%26#039;t describe me! You lost me after %26quot;crushing spiders with bare hands%26quot;
Reply:Cancer
Reply:Im Gemini.Everything there was nearly the exact opposite of what i am..
Reply:libra.
Reply:No way nothing like me.
Reply:Pisces. Agree with some things.
Reply:Cancer.

Stretching out one pair of underwear for a month.... um for one NO and second ewww that%26#039;s disgusting! LOL Next Cancers is supposedly the motherly sign of the zodiac.... Ladies Home Journal.. not really me although recently I%26#039;d been getting into cooking and giving folks advice. Well my style of clothing isn%26#039;t bizarre, I like to dress just as feminine as the next lady.

As for being walked over, I am a nice person but there is a fine line of being gullible and treating people with kindness-- there were a few folks who wanted to confused the two with me but unfortunately I wasn%26#039;t letting them have it, now that I%26#039;m older and had experiences with these types. I can go down the line of everything written about Cancer and see where it applies to me but I think I%26#039;ll stop here as I%26#039;ll be writing for quite awhile.

Overall most of these isn%26#039;t who I am despite my sign and I take take these %26#039;descriptions%26#039; are just for humor. It%26#039;s funny!

BTW, George W. Bush shouldn%26#039;t belong to any %26#039;sign%26#039;. Personally I think not only is he is an embarrassment to this nation but to Cancerians everywhere!
Reply:Capricorn
Reply:The only truth I found about Scorpios is that Bill gates is one.
Reply:I am Taurus, Your description is not me not even my alter ego.
Reply:I%26#039;m a Scorpio, you definition doesn%26#039;t impress me, but your persistence in typing 14 pages to get your ideas across is mind-boggling, real dedicated aren%26#039;t you.
Reply:aquarius and no it doesnt
Reply:TAURUS - May 11...OMG, so like me, most of it, few exceptions that I don%26#039;t see, that someone else might!
Reply:Um, I%26#039;m a leo and that is about as opposite of me as one can get...
Reply:I am a Libra, and that was WAY off.
Reply:LMFAO! I%26#039;m a Cancerian and my husband is a Pisces...lucky for him, he won%26#039;t ever get run over by a truck!!
Reply:pisces
Reply:omg yah! im a pisces hehe ♥ i thenk this sort of theng is fun :-} bu ti also thenk u cud read any of them interchangabee, people have usually experianced everee emotion an character trait soem time in their lives, an myself having taken a survey by my therapist, wus often coonfused between two extreames, am i hardwerking an diligent, or lazy? super intelligent, or adorablee dumb? im both, the human being is an amazing theng ♥
Reply:Taurus, and it doesn%26#039;t describe me.
Reply:tarus here. thats creepy.

but i do not live in millwalkee ( or however thats spelled) and i hate the bar, and i do not wish i was God. everything else came kinda close.

what are you?
Reply:Haha

that was semi cute

I%26#039;m a Sagittarius..

Hell no I%26#039;m not hitting a spider with my hands

other wise somewhat on point with the rest..

it made me chuckle..

you forgot to put will phuk up anyone that talks ish about them...watch yourself..

holla@urgirl ;O
Reply:Sagittarius

Sagittarians are born adventurers.( I am A naturist That very Adventurous)

They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. (Yeap)

They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. (Yeap)

Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. (YEAP especially while naked) This often includes transvesticism.

Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. (Nope)

Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces.

(not so)

They seek to offend.

(not SO)

Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus (Nah) (((Maximus YES max fun while naked oudoors))). Animals and small children love Sagittarians.

(I guess so IDK)

This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks

( NOPE not a freak or vagrant).

Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts.

(I love naked danceing at full moon around fires does that count )

Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian.

(maybe I did make a bumper sticker kinda that says NIF)

They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.

(NOPE)

Don%26#039;t ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad.

(HAHA All getting naked funny)

Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro.

(hahaha I have a GEO Prizm)

The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. (YEAP)

This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they%26#039;re sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York,

(I don%26#039;t get this one)

NY the most Sagittarian town in the universe.

(((Really Why I can guess that they are consieved on or about St .Pat%26#039;s day (GO IRISH))))

The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there%26#039;s a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well.

(HAHAHA I LIkeY BUSTY Expecially MY LOVE fickleNIF♥™

another Sagittaruis HMMM..

A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.

(NO I am hip to be naked so that very hip)
Reply:im virgo, n its not like me at all lol
Reply:the canser one discribes me alot......buuuttttt, not compleatly. i%26#039;m not a slob, tho my consept of %26#039;fasion%26#039; is weird. and i%26#039;m not a compleat doormat!!

Fun read!!

ALL of thoes are funny!
Reply:im an aquraius and yes i somewhat agree. ok i agree a lot!
Reply:libra
Reply:im a scorpio and that was so not true....i%26#039;m NOT hairy lol....but I do like to smoke :)
Reply:oh yeah. i%26#039;m a taurus and my husband and son are aries - all fits
Reply:I am a Pisces and I%26#039;d say about half of that stuff is true.

peeling skin

Glueing seam of jeans?

2009-04-14T01:19:00.000-07:00

I want to turn a pair of boot cut jeans into a pair of skinny/straight leg jeans. I read a tutorial that taught me how to do this by cutting, and sewing a new seam. The problem is that I don%26#039;t have a sewing machine, and don%26#039;t know how to sew. If I were to hot-glue the seam, or glue it with fabric glue, would it hold together? Would it look bad? I would try this before asking but I don%26#039;t want to waste a pair of jeans.

Glueing seam of jeans?
Not it won%26#039;t hold... the glue would seep through and cause a big mess... fabric doesn%26#039;t do well with hot glue, or any glue...

Take the jeans to a seamstress
Reply:try it and it might work
Reply:no chance...maybe for a bit....but it would look awful and eventually come off.

performing arts network

How do i remove mould from a pushchair?

2009-04-14T01:18:00.002-07:00

i left my wet pushchair in the boot of my car for a week and now it has mould all over the fabric, what can i safely use to remove these marks as normal washing doesnt do anything?

How do i remove mould from a pushchair?
Full strength white vinegar is as good as bleach but it doesn%26#039;t harm fabrics and it%26#039;s safe.
Reply:wipe in down with a 5 % solution of household bleach.
Reply:first leave the pushchair out in the sun , hoping you get a good day for doing this . The sun will kill of the mould or mildew. Then with lemon juice pour over the mould/mildew stain, and leave to dry , if the material of the push chair is dry clean only use lemon juice and add salt again leave to dry , once it as dried in use a sponge with clear water. to make sure the stain as been lifted.if NO then do the same again

teeth

Figure skating practice pants?

2009-04-14T01:18:00.001-07:00

I have seen these pants at my rink that people wear and they have a brightly colored stripe at the bottom of each leg and and one on the waistband. They are somewhat tightly fitted and have extra fabric at the bottom so that they can be pulled over the back of the boot.

I have heard that they are in the $80 - $100 range, but I can not seem to find the brand anywhere online. Oh, and they are not the Bearhill brand skating pants, they are a little different from those.

If anyone owns a pair of these pants or have seen them, please show links or where to buy them!!

Thnks so much!!

Figure skating practice pants?
they are called se_ku pants. I do not know of any store that sell the se_ku stuff, everyone orders them online. here is the link: http://www.sekuskatewear.com/

They do have a list of stores that stock the stuff, but most stores only sell the dresses. I am sure that your local pro shop would be happy to order it for you however. If you live in the LA area, you can pick them up direct from the owner%26#039;s house. Alison lives in the LA area.
Reply:Hey! Ye, they are called se_ku %26amp; they have several great styles. We have what you are looking for at our skate shop - try www.sharperedgeskates.com.

Good luck! Report It

Reply:US Figure Skating also sells a pair in its online store:

http://www.icelife.com/Merchant2/merchan...

These don%26#039;t have the stripes, but they cost less than se_ku ($52-$58 depending on the size).

beauty

What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?

2009-04-14T01:18:00.000-07:00

Aries

Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens%26#039; %26quot;Hard Headed Woman%26quot; was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don%26#039;t discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.

They skip gaily from their mothers%26#039; wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you%26#039;re Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios%26#039; dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams%26#039; horns are in everyone else%26#039;s asses.

Taurus

You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you%26#039;re up, the next you%26#039;re down, the next you%26#039;ve shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, %26quot;just %26#039;cuz.%26quot;. You%26#039;re very earthy, which may mean that you don%26#039;t shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.

The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won%26#039;t come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can%26#039;t get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren%26#039;t for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn%26#039;t know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.

Gemini

Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it%26#039;s more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you%26#039;re finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.

Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for %26quot;I%26#039;m okay, I%26#039;m okay.%26quot; Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.

Cancer

You like to know what%26#039;s going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what%26#039;s going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as %26quot;erratic.%26quot; You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone%26#039;s savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there%26#039;s a hostage situation.

A Cancer is like a walking Ladies%26#039; Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho%26#039;s and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you%26#039;re probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be %26quot;tactful%26quot;. The word for this is actually %26quot;shiftless%26quot;. Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans

Leo

You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can%26#039;t find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.

A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren%26#039;t, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching %26quot;Entertainment Tonight%26quot;. Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, %26quot;radical cult leader%26quot; is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don%26#039;t worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.

Virgo

You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word %26quot;Virgo%26quot;. Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because %26quot;the bastard had a filthy car%26quot;. The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.

Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there%26#039;s something under the fridge. But it%26#039;s usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don%26#039;t see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They%26#039;ll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don%26#039;t put cheese where it doesn%26#039;t belong in a Virgo%26#039;s refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of %26quot;The Shining%26quot;. After that, he went all Leo.

Libra

You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can%26#039;t make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don%26#039;t understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.

The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don%26#039;t eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they%26#039;ve never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.

Scorpio

You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they%26#039;re going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o%26#039; Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.

Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It%26#039;s no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won%26#039;t get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be %26quot;I%26#039;m sorry, what?%26quot; Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it%26#039;s automated, they can hack it.

Sagittarius

Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.

Don%26#039;t ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they%26#039;re sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there%26#039;s a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.

Capricorn

Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he%26#039;s all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he%26#039;s overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can%26#039;t overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.

In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don%26#039;t want to live in a world like that. The nation%26#039;s ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin%26#039; Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don%26#039;t involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don%26#039;t have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns

Aquarius

The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia%26#039;s image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.

Aquarians use the phrase %26quot;Dude, man...%26quot; frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they%26#039;ve been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don%26#039;t think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.

Pisces

Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn%26#039;t happen in %26quot;The Velveteen Rabbit%26quot;, it doesn%26#039;t exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.

Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don%26#039;t be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won%26#039;t tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want %26quot;honest criticism%26quot; of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don%26#039;t like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn%26#039;t matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren%26#039;t positive they know what they%26#039;re talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don%26#039;t like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.

What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?
I%26#039;m an ARIES, so I guess I%26#039;ll have to set you on fire now!

lol
Reply:im leo thou that dosnt decribe me accurately there are bits i can relate tooo but on the whole although a bit long to reading it all it was sooo funny
Reply:Libra LMAO that`s so funny.
Reply:Capricorn? That%26#039;s me. %26quot;DULL AS HELL%26quot; is not a good way to describe us Capricorns. I%26#039;m smarter than you, BLEH!
Reply:HOW DID U FIT ALL THAT ON WITHOUT ADDING DETAILS? MINE ONLY ALLOWS 1000 CHARACTERS.

EDIT: Sorry my daughter put the caps lock on lol :)
Reply:Go to bed and get some much needed SLEEP!!!

ET

3 of the same questions in a row???
Reply:Not AGAIN!!
Reply:I%26#039;m a Leo and its scary how much it sounds like me. Just kidding :P but I am a Leo

knode-devel

How does this sound?

2009-04-14T01:17:00.003-07:00

Hey, I recently sat down to the computer and started writing this, and I wanted to know what you thought about it. Be brutally honest, too! Thanks in advance.

I walked slowly up the path, disgruntled because of another Saturday that I had to wake up earlier than 1:00. But my father still insisted I come, even though I was a senior in high school and could make my own decisions. I looked down and realized that my shoes didn’t even match; one black and the other brown. I shrugged and continued on, wondering what the big fuss was all about. I remember thinking that my dad must have already hired somebody to replace Sandy. Man, I would miss that old guy. He was like the father I always wanted. But now he was gone, retiring in Colorado, he says. I would want to stay here, in sunny California. But no, he wanted snow. Fine, he could have all the snow his little heart desired, while I was stuck here with my dad. I guess that the fact that I could crawl out of my upstairs window and down to the beach was okay, but, still, I had to live under the same roof as my dad, and until I could move out, I wouldn’t be completely happy.

Or so I thought.

I approached the old, weathered steps that led to the office part of the aquarium. It wasn’t really open to public, but we jokingly referred to it as that because Sandy had always been bringing people here to see the marine animals and try to convince them not to pollute or not to go fishing or other nonsense like that. But I had seen some changed (or seemingly changed people) that had walked out of that doorway.

As the handle of the door twisted, I could almost feel the change in the atmosphere inside. I pushed open the door, heaving a little bit because I knew it always stuck.

“Um… red or yellow?” George, a guy who worked here and I had known all my life, asked. It looked like he was talking to the processor of the old computer we had been trying to fix forever. I was about to make a joke about his sanity when a lilting, musical voice answered.

“Red, please. Yes, that one, the one by your foot.” The voice sounded like it was suppressing laughter when George frantically searched between the mess of wires to find the right one. When he picked it up and held it out, a nicely tanned hand reached out for it. Her nails were long, but not too long, and manicured without nail polish. I was unnaturally pleased that she wasn’t one of those crazy, nail-painting girls. Who cares what color your nails are, anyway?

“Okay… try turning it on, it should boot up now. I wonder who the idiot was who attached all the cables, they were in the wrong places,” she called out to George as I flushed; I was the one who had connected all the cables. They looked like they had gone where I put them.

The computer whirred to life, a gentle hum on the newest processor in the building. Genius, that girl was great. We really needed all the programming on that to keep track of all the information that had been flooding in from our partners up in northern California.

Then a pair of legs was thrust out from under the desk. Nice legs, very muscular, well tanned, yet thin, too. Her flip-flops were slightly sandy, like she had just stepped off the beach. Then she shimmied out from under the desk, stood up, and tried to brush herself free of the dust that grew under there. Her face turned towards me then, just as if she had known I was there the whole time but was a little too busy to talk at the moment. Her eyes turned what seemed like the whole force of the ocean on me, and I felt like God had captured the waves and currents of the sea outside that building and put them inside of her. Crystal blue, they were stunning, and seemed to hold more knowledge and sadness than I thought possible for one human being. Yet they seemed like they were happy, too, and that they only hinted at the sadness that she had seen. I wanted to see her laugh right then, and I knew that I wouldn’t be pleased until I did.

“Hiya, you must be Justin! George was just telling me about you and the other guys who worked here.” So George had already told her about all the other boys who worked here. The other guys, probably so much more handsome in her eyes, would no doubt steal her away before I had a chance to hold more than a two minute conversation with her. Yet when she thrust out her hand for me to shake, I couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to hold that warm hand in mine if we walked down the beach. I surveyed the rest of her outfit casually as she glanced around the office. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun, and long strands of brown hair swept around her face, offsetting her white smile wonderfully. She wore a scooped out tank top with a bathing suit underneath, tied around her neck in a flouncy knot. Her Bermuda shorts fit snuggly, but seemed comfortable on her. A set of hand woven bracelets wrapped around her left wrist, and it looked like each of her friends had made one, judging by the different names on them. I was about to head out back to the tanks when my body took control of my mind. Before I could stop myself, I thrust myself to her, and my lips pressed on hers. Her eyes widened, but she didn’t pull away like I thought she would. My first kiss, though no one ever knew I was a senior in high school and still hadn’t kissed anyone, and it was amazing. She closed her eyes then, and I was about to wind my arms around her waist when George smacks the back of my head.

“WHAT THE HECK, MAN?! What are you doing?” He was totally shocked at my outgoing behavior. Normally, I would stand at the back of the room. I was always alone at parties. Yet she felt like the one. The crazy sparks that were supposed to fly between two people when they first kiss did more than fly; they zigged and zagged through my mind until I thought I was going to collapse from the crazy joy that I got.

“Well, I guess guys in California are just more abrupt than Kentucky.” She giggled, but her eyes strayed to me with questions and – could it be? – a trace of longing. Her cheeks were flushed and her smile crooked, yet it only made her even more beautiful.

“If your dad finds out about this…” George trailed off, shaking his head dutifully.

“He won’t, man, not unless you tell him,” I answered, suddenly scared as to what my father would do. He had always been the protective type.

“Oh, so you aren’t normally like this? Or only when Daddy’s gone?” Her tone was lilting and sarcastic, but real curiosity burned behind her eyes.

“What are you talking about, girl?! This guy has never been the kind of guy to do that. He hasn’t even had a date in his life! Not that girls don’t want him, but he is just that way. Living with his dad all the time, I guess. I mean, look at him. Isn’t he gorgeous…” I cut him off with a quick glare. George rambled. A lot.

“Look, miss, I’m sorry. I really, REALLY, don’t know what happened, and I’ll do anything to make it up to you.” I was red and completely mortified. What did she think of me now?

“Don’t apologize. It was not exactly the romantic first kiss I imagined, but I think I… kinda liked it,” she said, and then flushed as she realized she had said it aloud. Did she say her first kiss? Or did I imagine it? Did I ruin it for her? Or was it more than she had hoped for? My mind was working over time when my dad came in.

His hair was graying badly, but he always tried to keep up his health. He jogged five miles on the beach daily, and I usually did, too, but I went in the opposite direction. He looked too business-type for California. No other marine biologist would walk into his office, ready to start checking on porpoises and jelly fish, dressed in a tie. I mean, really. His slacks were ironed perfectly, and he glanced disapprovingly at my uncoordinated shoe selection, and the girl who was still more of a stranger than I could imagine stifled a giggle as she followed his line of vision. I glanced at my shoes, only to see that hers were to totally different colors of brown, and two different styles.

“Justin, I see you have met Paige Abney, so now you can get to work,” my dad grunted, to the point as always, and even though I didn’t even know her name, I nodded. I turned on my heels and began walking to the back door that led to the tanks outside where all the wildlife was held. I glanced over to Sandy’s old desk and saw that she had already put her stuff up.

Her laptop was a white Apple version, and it looked too complicated for me. She had three novels, each wider than my head, stacked on top of each other, the top one with a bookmark sticking out of it. The spine of it said The Complete Collected Works of John Keats. Poetry, she liked poetry! We had too much in common. I wondered briefly if she wrote her own like I did. Then I noticed a pair of cheep sunglasses was hanging lopsided on her computer, and they had the little fake gem stones glued all over them. It looked like the type of thing you would see small children making at Arts %26amp; Crafts, but a picture was pinned underneath the glasses. It had four girls who were smiling and posing hilariously at the camera, all wearing the same kind of glasses.

Her bulletin board, like each of ours, was now posted with reports, memos, and scraps of random papers. But most prominent were the pictures. They were scattered everywhere, pinned up with every last thumb tack we had in the office. I slowed so I could look at them, though I only had the chance to glance at about three as I went by.

One was of three young teen girls (I recognized Paige immediately due to her eyes) at an ice skating rink, all leaning precariously on each other. Their faces were flushed, probably from the cold, and they all seemed to be laughing crazily. Her eyes didn’t hold the sadness they did now, but they were still just as knowledgeable. It shocked me.

Another picture was of a group of nine girls, each grinning hugely, and the tallest one holding a shorter one in her arms. Paige was peeking out behind a girl with glasses, and had her arm draped around the shoulder of another with freckles. You could see how easily they commingled, lounging against each other in the bright sunlight.

The last picture that caught my eye as I went by was one of Paige and five other girls. Their names were scrawled on the picture in elegant script, and it looked recent. They were all lounging on the back of a house boat. The names were: Paige, Cassidy, Whitney, Anne, Kaitlyn, and Emily. I presumed these were all her best friends, and in the corner was the date: June 23, 2007. Only two months before the present date. She must have been heartbroken to leave them. I could only shake my head and wonder.

“Hey, wait for me!” Paige called, and I thrilled at her touch when she laid her hand lightly on my shoulder. “Your father wanted you to show me around since I am going to be working here for a while,” she whispered, “but I just wanted to come anyway.” Her smile was slightly teasing, but mostly curious. I tried to shrug nonchalantly, yet I could almost feel her disbelief in my casual acts.

“Okay, then I get to show you what I do most of the time.” She nodded, almost confused, and I laughed inwardly at the surprise I was sure to see on her face.

We opened the back door, and she cringed as it squeaked, though I barely noticed that. I heard her mention something about ‘oil’. We walked on the small stone pathway that let from tank to tank, grass growing around the edges of it, and sand beyond that. Paige slipped off her shoes, one at a time, then picked them up in her right hand and grabbed my hand with her other hand. I was still wondering if I was in shock after the kiss and imagining this when she tugged me into the sand, giggling. Her toes splayed out confidently as she flitted across the grounds with me, and her chaotic expression made me laugh. Had I really just met her 15 minutes ago? We slowed to a walk, hers more bouncy than mine, and I savored the sweet breeze, bringing in salty air and that sea-like brine I lived for every morning. The sun baked my face, and I could already tell that I would still have the sun-induced hi-lights later in the colder part of the year. I turned to Paige when she let loose her hair, and I was surprised to see the layers fall all the way down her back, sun bleached streaks in hers, too. It was thick, and waved silkily as we trotted in the sand. Finally we approached the first tank.

“Okay, so this tank is my favorite. Now let me show you why,” I murmured close to her ear. Then I broke into a run and hopped up on the edge of the tank. I quickly stripped off my shirt and dove in. When I came up she seemed not to be looking at me, but to be looking at something behind me, a look of joy in her eyes. I smiled because I knew exactly what she was looking at. I dove back under and called with the whistle that was around my neck to the two shapes that were swimming together. They rushed forward to me, and I got lost as I did every time I worked with the two Harbour Porpoises. I could hear their soft clicks under water, and it made me want to burst with joy just looking at their joy. They were such free creatures.

I came up for air and flipped around to explain to her their names, only to find her slipping off her tank top and shorts, in her bathing suit only. My mind went into shock at the sight of her in a bikini. W-o-w. She crawling onto the edge, and dove right in, perfect swan dive all the way. She swam under the water, not at all on top of the water in the free style stroke I swam. She swam peacefully, not in any hurry, and I admired the way her hair flowed out behind her, becoming threads of silk all woven together. She didn’t come up for air once until she got to me.

“Harbour Porpoises! I have never got to work with and porpoises before! Only Dolphins. My boss said that when I got out of college he would think about it, so I moved out here. I’m heading off to be a freshman at DeVry University. Here at Long Beach, too. I thought it was the best place to go, since I love the west coast. Plus, now I can work here without having to worry about driving so far to school. Will you be a sophomore?” She was so happy, just babbling on, and I was so shocked. She would be going to the same school I was. She would be a freshman like I was. Would she be as shocked as I was?

“I… uh… whoa…” I couldn’t say anything. Today was turning out to be the luckiest day ever.

“Justin?! Are you okay?” Paige looked nervous at my blank stares.

“Yes! I’m great! Better than great!” I burst out with. A grin slowly spread across my face and I pulled her thin waste to me and kissed her again with new enthusiasm and I greater hope for a happy ending than I ever had in my life before. I didn’t care if she hated me for going at it a second time. I didn’t care if she hated me for not even knowing anything about her before kissing her like this. I didn’t care, because it all felt just so right for once in my life. Then she wrapped her arms around me neck and pulled closer, like she too needed the comfort that I sought with her. Her lips her slightly parted as were mine, and I breathed in the heady scent that came off her smooth skin. I let my hands play across her hair, loving the way it slid easily through my fingers. Her fingers wound themselves in my hair, and they knotted quickly as she clutched to me, obviously wanting nothing more then what I wanted; to stay welded like this forever. I closed my eyes to enjoy the moment with all of my other senses when something rammed into my back. I flew forward into the water, pushing her down with me. I came up choking, but when I looked around, she wasn’t above the water.

“Oh no. Oh no no no no no! Paige!” I flipped around frantically, glancing through the clear waters of the pool, trying to see if she was on the bottom. She probably hit her head on the shallow floor, and I would never forgive myself if she was hurt. I searched in a mad daze until I heard a scream.

Not a scream of terror, but of joy.

I flipped around to see her hanging on the fin of one of the porpoises. She was being pulled towards me, and I smiled when I saw her face. But my smile faded when I saw the huge gash on her forehead. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that it was stupid to be in the tank without greeting the porpoises. They were so spoiled and needed the attention so badly that they would butt anyone in the back who ignored them. Though I had taught them myself how to pull people on their fins like they were now, they were still dangerous creatures if they wanted to be.

“Paige!” I screamed, and my frantic expression must have scared her a little, because her smile faltered, then fell of her face, as she noticed the warm blood trickling down the side of her face. She let go of the fin to reach up and touch her head and slid into the water. I swam to her swiftly, pushing my arms hard against the waters that pushed me backwards. When I finally got to her, she was pale and trying hard to breathe through her mouth.

“That was fun,” she laughed shakily, still breathing through her mouth. I guessed at that point that she couldn’t stand the smell of blood. It wasn’t doing much for me at the time, either.

“Let’s go inside. Now,” I was firm because I didn’t like the odd color she was turning. She seemed almost green when she nodded.

I was able to swim with her clinging to me back because, though she was easily as tall as me, she was very light. I lifted her gently up on the ledge and swung my legs over. Then I picked her up in my arms and cradled her to my chest like a young child. I was walking swiftly up the path, ignoring the way the hot stones burned my bare feet when she started shaking slightly in my arms, even with the heat. I brushed the hair out of her eyes and she smiled weakly. Her eyes were cloudy but she tried to stay focused.

“It’s my fault. Really, it is. I wanted to try riding them like I saw you yesterday when I came by to get the details on my job. But I didn’t know it was so fast. They just took off, and I couldn’t hold and that’s when I cut my head, when they dove under and I hit the bottom. I’m so sorry,” tears leaked over the rims of her eyes, sorrowful and pained, whether because of the pain or the remorse, I couldn’t tell, but I very gentle kissed the tip of her nose to calm her down.

I really needed to get to know this girl.

I kicked open the door and rushed inside, ignoring the gaping expressions from the two college guys who clocked in a few minutes after we went outside. They were always the ones with new girlfriends every week, and it shocked them to see me with this gorgeous girl. I kept on walking to the beat up fabric couch that we had in the back of the room so we could watch the plasma if ever we got to bored, which was often. Ever so gently I laid her down, and slid the only pillow under her head, gesturing that I would be right back.

George had been hunched over at his desk, typing away, when he glanced up to see why they gasped. His expression went from curious to appalled in record time.

“Justin, oh my gosh, what did you do to her, boy?” Of course, always assume it was my fault. I ignored him and ran to grab a wet cloth to lie on her forehead. I grabbed the clean one off the rack in the bath room and ran it under the warm water. I wrung it out a little and dashed back into the main office. I sat on the couch, trying not to shake it too much, and placed the washcloth over her head, dabbing gently to try and clean off some of the blood. The color wasn’t returning to her cheeks, which bothered me deeply.

“Carson, call the hospital. Tell them we have a head injury and they might need to come here,” My voice was sharp as I whipped orders to one of the college boys. He was the kinder of the two, and I knew he wouldn’t argue. He seemed to keep the girls for longer, whether he was more appealing or appreciated them longer, I didn’t know.

“Justin, I’m getting your dad,” George said, then dashed off before I could stop him. I sighed in defeat at what was sure to be the worst lecture I had ever gotten in my life.

“I don’t need any help… I’m fine, really… See?” Paige lifted herself up gently on the couch, and then swung her legs over the edge. Still holding the wash cloth to her head she turned to me and smiled weakly before taking two steps. On her third step, her face went bone white again and her knees gave way. She sank to the floor and I reached down to pick her up. My face was a mask of pain and worry, seeing as the only girl who had ever shown any interest with me would probably never want to see me again because I had put her life on the line. I cradled her in my arms again, and then tried to set her on the couch. But her fingers that had twined around my neck refused to let go. I reached up with one hand and tried to unlock her fingers, but she refused to unwind them. She still managed to smile slyly, and I sighed in defeat and sat on the couch, with her on my lap. She refused to let go of my neck, afraid I would leave; though that was the last thing I wanted to do.

Her nose was buried in the crook of my neck and my cheek resting in her hair when my father stormed into the room.

“JUSTIN!” he bellowed the second he caught sight of my head resting on her hair, and her face buried in my shoulder blade. It only made things worse. “What did you DO to her? You called the HOSPITAL because of a HEAD INJURY?! WHAT HAPPENED?!?!” His voice was threatening to reach new levels of maximum volume, so I blurted out.

“Nothing, I did nothing. It was that porpoise that you have scared to death out there,” I new it wasn’t true that the porpoises were scared, because I interact with them daily. I just used that card because I knew that they were terrified when he had taken them from the ocean uncalled for. I will always use that against him. Wild animals need to be left to be wild, free. He didn’t understand that, just like he never understood me.

“Justin…?” Paige mumbled into my skin. I turned back to her right as the door opened, with Carson leading in the local doctor, Doc, as we called him. I had visited him last time I broke my arm on the rocks by the beach. He was a good guy, and I knew he could help her.

“Shh, its okay, the doctor is going to take a look at your head and see if you’re okay,” I was talking quietly to her, almost as is she was a child, and she noticed. She looked up and smiled thankfully for my patience.

“Justin, you said head injury on the phone, so what happened?” Good old Doc, right to the injury. So I explained in brief what happened. Paige groaned when I got to the part of her diving under the water and hitting her head on the bottom. I casually left out the part of kissing in the tank.

“Mmmm hmmm, sounds like a possible minor concussion. But I can stitch her up here, if you would like,” he suggested, and I looked at Paige. She wasn’t scared, or was hiding it well if she was, and I questioned her with my eyes. She nodded once, and I nodded at Doc. Yet I about told him not to when he got out the needle he was going to use to stitch up the cut.

“Son, you might want to hop up while I do this,” Doc said, and I tried to slide out from under Paige. Yet her arms were clinging desperately to my neck, and her eyes were a silent begging not to go. I went to reach around my neck and forcefully remove her hands when the symbolism of it caught up with me.

If I really loved her, and wanted her, even if I knew nothing about her, I couldn’t leave her now, despite my fear of needles. But if I made her release me, then I was saying, in a way, that she didn’t mean that much to me.

And she did mean everything to me, this total stranger who made me believe in love at first sight.

So I grasped her closer, pressing her skin against mine, relishing the warmth, and shrugged at Doc. He looked at me with strange eyes, eyes that were finally happy, seeing me happy, like he had never seen me before. I bent down gently and pressed my lips against hers. My dad’s sharp gasp almost made me stop, but I realized that I should be able to make my own decisions. So I pressed my mouth lightly to hers, and she pressed her lips against mine, almost as if she was scared that if she wasn’t strong enough that I would leave. I parted my mouth slightly, once more wishing that this moment could be all that I would ever live with forever. I felt the corners of her mouth turn up slightly and I had to release her for Doc.

I couldn’t bear to see him put stitches in her head, even though I was sure that her bangs, cropped shorter than the rest of her hair, would cover them when he was done. I played with her fingers, lifting them slightly and learning the contours of how they rose and fell. Doc sighed and got up, so I presumed he was done.

“Well, I suggest that she not come to work for the next week,” her eyes flashed with steel and a possible rebellion against doctor’s wishes on that, “and that she take a couple of pain killers tonight. The stitches should actually dissolve after a while, so don’t worry about getting them wet. Be careful next time,” Doc threw one more accusing glare at me, and then walked through the door.

“I am not going to sit on my butt at home for the next week! I am coming tomorrow, I don’t care what that fancy shmancy doctor of yours says…” Paige was rattling on, so I assumed she felt better. I let her sit in my lap as everyone knelt in front of the couch and asked her what had happened and how it felt to have stitches. I listened to her musical voice, reminding me of wind chimes the way it rose and fell in a beautiful tone. Her cheeks were gaining their color back. Her eyes still looked sad, but not as doleful as before. They seemed almost preoccupied from the sadness that hung on her soul, the sadness I had sensed before I had even said a word to her. I wanted to take it all away from her, make her happy, even if I had to jump off a cliff to do it. She shifted slightly in my lap, but not farther away, rather closer to me but still angled so that she could talk to them. She let one of her hands fall from my neck, her fingertips brushing along my still bare chest when she let them fall in a way that made my breath catch and my heart race. She used her hands animatedly, waving them around while she talked. Yet she somehow managed to inconspicuously brush my cheek, or my hair, or my shoulders as she talked. Her eyes never glanced at me, but if I shifted, she did, readjusting like I was her gravitational pull. The way her breath, vanilla and mint all mixed together, tickled my cheek made me want to inhale deeply. She wore no perfume, but the fragrance just emanating from her skin made my senses go mad. Because she was still in a bikini, I could trace down her arms, lightly, so that no one would notice. I slid my hands down the small of her back, angling her again so that no one could see. I relished at the warmth she emitted, and traced my thumb down her spine once more while I spoke.

“Paige,” I whispered with my lips close to her ears. I saw her shiver, but not out of discomfort. “I might need to take you home now. You can show me where you live. I’ll drive your car and then walk home. How about it?” I asked, but my voice sounded more persuasive than just a question.

“That would be great, thank you. And thank you for this… exciting day,” She laughed lightly. She stood up, knees shaking slightly. I bent down to pick her up, but she waved me off, clutching around my shoulder instead. I wrapped my arm around her waste, hugging her to me for support. She waved a casual goodbye as we sauntered clumsily out of the office. Once down the path, she whispered in my ear.

“I think I’ll like it here. As soon as Doc says I can get back to work, we are trying that again. The poor porpoises didn’t know I was such a novice,” This girl, this amazingly reckless yet still timid girl, this girl who drove me crazy, this girl I wanted to know everything about, this girl drove me insane right at that moment; insane in the sense of this-is-first-love-so-I’ll-put-up-with-y... insane.

Where is your car?” I blew off her comment, inwardly shaking at the thought of having to repeat this whole ordeal.

“Over there,” she pointed casually as she looked sideways at my face. She really was quite tall, taller than most of the other girls I had seen around. She was only about an inch shorter than me, and I think I liked having someone my height.

I followed the line of her finger and stopped momentarily. Why was I not surprised that she drove a convertible? And not just any convertible, but a BMW M3 convertible, top of the line. I continued on down the sandy path towards the lot, but not before she misread my pause.

“I know, it is kinda shabby, but I like it,” she mumbled defensively. Shabby? Did she say shabby? Good grief, this girl’s parents must be money bags.

“Not shabby at all. Plus, at least your car runs. Mine is still stuck at a garage. Plus, I like the red.” I was teasing a little, but I really did like the color.

“You’re teasing me. You don’t like it, do you?” She sounded playfully hurt. I tapped her lightly on the nose with my finger before opening the passenger side door. She looked slightly disgruntled that I got to drive, but I ignored her. Walking casually around the front of the car, I wondered if this would be some of the last time we would have to talk about what happened today. And I wasn’t talking about her head injury. My fingers hesitated to open the door, afraid of the certain banishment I was going to get from her. I was afraid of rejection, and that was why I had never tried harder to get a girl. I didn’t want to be turned away.

I opened the door anyway.

I sat down quietly and then shut the door. Then all of a sudden she was on top of me, kissing me so roughly that I gasped. Her mouth was moving in earnest on mine, and her hands clutched the side of my face as if they could hold me there if I didn’t want to be there. But I did want to be there. I was just confused as to why she was suddenly passionate about the way she kissed; before it had been gentle, yet this was rough and desperate to make me understand. Yet I didn’t quite understand, especially when I felt salty tears slide from her cheeks onto mine, and her body being taken over by wracking sobs as she clung to me. I knew then that she wasn’t lying about her first kiss, because the way she acted as if she needed this to go on forever was completely understood, understood by me, the novice at relationships. I took the side of her face in my hands and lifted it gently up so that I could see why she was crying. Silent tears slid down her body as sobs continued to shake her slender frame. Through her sobs she managed to choke out words that made everything clear.

“I just thought… you were the one… as soon as I looked at you… I wanted to touch your face… then you kissed me… but I was sure… after you saw how stupid I was… in the tanks… that you… wouldn’t… want… me…” her fears, irrational as they were, took over once again and she buried her face in my chest. I clutched her hair and pressed my lips to it, and held her tightly.

“I never believed in love at first sight until today,” I whispered to her as I pulled her up to cradle next to my neck, “but you made me believe. You made me believe, you, this complete stranger, made me believe that I could find someone who would understand. And I will never give up on that. That rush of my blood hot through my veins because of you will never go away, even if you do. For the only way I will leave you is if you don’t want me anymore.” My voice was confident at the end, and she looked up at me with tears still in her eyes. Her lips brushed along my neck, up my chin, until she found my lips. It was ever so light, the way she brushed against my mouth. Like a butterfly, so elegant yet fragile.

“We might want to get you home now,” I suggested quietly, hoping to lighten the mood.

“Yup, that would be a good thing,” she said in a still shaky voice. I lifted her up gently, trying to reposition myself as I did so. When she had thrown herself on top of me, we had slid lower in the seat until her foot had hit the reclining button and it had slid back. She was practically lying on top of me. I slid her next to me, yanked up the seat, and the pulled her up on my lap delicately. I could drive like that, surely. She looked over her shoulder in question, and snuggled closer when I smiled at her. Her cheek was pressed against mine when I pulled out of the lot.

“So, tell me about yourself,” I said conversationally. I slid to the far left of the seat and let her slide down to the right since she was thing enough. Turning the steering wheel would be a problem if I didn’t.

How does this sound?
WAY TO LONG. i only read the first line. but so far it is good.
Reply:omg you have a talent

make this as a novel i would ssooooo read i think its aweosme good job
Reply:That is the longest **** ever.
Reply:That%26#039;s a really pretty story. I like it, a lot!

P.S. How did u manage to fir so much? I though Y!A had a limit.

skin spots

How does this sound?

2009-04-14T01:17:00.002-07:00

Hey, I recently sat down to the computer and started writing this, and I wanted to know what you thought about it. Be brutally honest, too! Thanks in advance.

I walked slowly up the path, disgruntled because of another Saturday that I had to wake up earlier than 1:00. But my father still insisted I come, even though I was a senior in high school and could make my own decisions. I looked down and realized that my shoes didn’t even match; one black and the other brown. I shrugged and continued on, wondering what the big fuss was all about. I remember thinking that my dad must have already hired somebody to replace Sandy. Man, I would miss that old guy. He was like the father I always wanted. But now he was gone, retiring in Colorado, he says. I would want to stay here, in sunny California. But no, he wanted snow. Fine, he could have all the snow his little heart desired, while I was stuck here with my dad. I guess that the fact that I could crawl out of my upstairs window and down to the beach was okay, but, still, I had to live under the same roof as my dad, and until I could move out, I wouldn’t be completely happy.

Or so I thought.

I approached the old, weathered steps that led to the office part of the aquarium. It wasn’t really open to public, but we jokingly referred to it as that because Sandy had always been bringing people here to see the marine animals and try to convince them not to pollute or not to go fishing or other nonsense like that. But I had seen some changed (or seemingly changed people) that had walked out of that doorway.

As the handle of the door twisted, I could almost feel the change in the atmosphere inside. I pushed open the door, heaving a little bit because I knew it always stuck.

“Um… red or yellow?” George, a guy who worked here and I had known all my life, asked. It looked like he was talking to the processor of the old computer we had been trying to fix forever. I was about to make a joke about his sanity when a lilting, musical voice answered.

“Red, please. Yes, that one, the one by your foot.” The voice sounded like it was suppressing laughter when George frantically searched between the mess of wires to find the right one. When he picked it up and held it out, a nicely tanned hand reached out for it. Her nails were long, but not too long, and manicured without nail polish. I was unnaturally pleased that she wasn’t one of those crazy, nail-painting girls. Who cares what color your nails are, anyway?

“Okay… try turning it on, it should boot up now. I wonder who the idiot was who attached all the cables, they were in the wrong places,” she called out to George as I flushed; I was the one who had connected all the cables. They looked like they had gone where I put them.

The computer whirred to life, a gentle hum on the newest processor in the building. Genius, that girl was great. We really needed all the programming on that to keep track of all the information that had been flooding in from our partners up in northern California.

Then a pair of legs was thrust out from under the desk. Nice legs, very muscular, well tanned, yet thin, too. Her flip-flops were slightly sandy, like she had just stepped off the beach. Then she shimmied out from under the desk, stood up, and tried to brush herself free of the dust that grew under there. Her face turned towards me then, just as if she had known I was there the whole time but was a little too busy to talk at the moment. Her eyes turned what seemed like the whole force of the ocean on me, and I felt like God had captured the waves and currents of the sea outside that building and put them inside of her. Crystal blue, they were stunning, and seemed to hold more knowledge and sadness than I thought possible for one human being. Yet they seemed like they were happy, too, and that they only hinted at the sadness that she had seen. I wanted to see her laugh right then, and I knew that I wouldn’t be pleased until I did.

“Hiya, you must be Justin! George was just telling me about you and the other guys who worked here.” So George had already told her about all the other boys who worked here. The other guys, probably so much more handsome in her eyes, would no doubt steal her away before I had a chance to hold more than a two minute conversation with her. Yet when she thrust out her hand for me to shake, I couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to hold that warm hand in mine if we walked down the beach. I surveyed the rest of her outfit casually as she glanced around the office. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun, and long strands of brown hair swept around her face, offsetting her white smile wonderfully. She wore a scooped out tank top with a bathing suit underneath, tied around her neck in a flouncy knot. Her Bermuda shorts fit snuggly, but seemed comfortable on her. A set of hand woven bracelets wrapped around her left wrist, and it looked like each of her friends had made one, judging by the different names on them. I was about to head out back to the tanks when my body took control of my mind. Before I could stop myself, I thrust myself to her, and my lips pressed on hers. Her eyes widened, but she didn’t pull away like I thought she would. My first kiss, though no one ever knew I was a senior in high school and still hadn’t kissed anyone, and it was amazing. She closed her eyes then, and I was about to wind my arms around her waist when George smacks the back of my head.

“WHAT THE HECK, MAN?! What are you doing?” He was totally shocked at my outgoing behavior. Normally, I would stand at the back of the room. I was always alone at parties. Yet she felt like the one. The crazy sparks that were supposed to fly between two people when they first kiss did more than fly; they zigged and zagged through my mind until I thought I was going to collapse from the crazy joy that I got.

“Well, I guess guys in California are just more abrupt than Kentucky.” She giggled, but her eyes strayed to me with questions and – could it be? – a trace of longing. Her cheeks were flushed and her smile crooked, yet it only made her even more beautiful.

“If your dad finds out about this…” George trailed off, shaking his head dutifully.

“He won’t, man, not unless you tell him,” I answered, suddenly scared as to what my father would do. He had always been the protective type.

“Oh, so you aren’t normally like this? Or only when Daddy’s gone?” Her tone was lilting and sarcastic, but real curiosity burned behind her eyes.

“What are you talking about, girl?! This guy has never been the kind of guy to do that. He hasn’t even had a date in his life! Not that girls don’t want him, but he is just that way. Living with his dad all the time, I guess. I mean, look at him. Isn’t he gorgeous…” I cut him off with a quick glare. George rambled. A lot.

“Look, miss, I’m sorry. I really, REALLY, don’t know what happened, and I’ll do anything to make it up to you.” I was red and completely mortified. What did she think of me now?

“Don’t apologize. It was not exactly the romantic first kiss I imagined, but I think I… kinda liked it,” she said, and then flushed as she realized she had said it aloud. Did she say her first kiss? Or did I imagine it? Did I ruin it for her? Or was it more than she had hoped for? My mind was working over time when my dad came in.

His hair was graying badly, but he always tried to keep up his health. He jogged five miles on the beach daily, and I usually did, too, but I went in the opposite direction. He looked too business-type for California. No other marine biologist would walk into his office, ready to start checking on porpoises and jelly fish, dressed in a tie. I mean, really. His slacks were ironed perfectly, and he glanced disapprovingly at my uncoordinated shoe selection, and the girl who was still more of a stranger than I could imagine stifled a giggle as she followed his line of vision. I glanced at my shoes, only to see that hers were to totally different colors of brown, and two different styles.

“Justin, I see you have met Paige Abney, so now you can get to work,” my dad grunted, to the point as always, and even though I didn’t even know her name, I nodded. I turned on my heels and began walking to the back door that led to the tanks outside where all the wildlife was held. I glanced over to Sandy’s old desk and saw that she had already put her stuff up.

Her laptop was a white Apple version, and it looked too complicated for me. She had three novels, each wider than my head, stacked on top of each other, the top one with a bookmark sticking out of it. The spine of it said The Complete Collected Works of John Keats. Poetry, she liked poetry! We had too much in common. I wondered briefly if she wrote her own like I did. Then I noticed a pair of cheep sunglasses was hanging lopsided on her computer, and they had the little fake gem stones glued all over them. It looked like the type of thing you would see small children making at Arts %26amp; Crafts, but a picture was pinned underneath the glasses. It had four girls who were smiling and posing hilariously at the camera, all wearing the same kind of glasses.

Her bulletin board, like each of ours, was now posted with reports, memos, and scraps of random papers. But most prominent were the pictures. They were scattered everywhere, pinned up with every last thumb tack we had in the office. I slowed so I could look at them, though I only had the chance to glance at about three as I went by.

One was of three young teen girls (I recognized Paige immediately due to her eyes) at an ice skating rink, all leaning precariously on each other. Their faces were flushed, probably from the cold, and they all seemed to be laughing crazily. Her eyes didn’t hold the sadness they did now, but they were still just as knowledgeable. It shocked me.

Another picture was of a group of nine girls, each grinning hugely, and the tallest one holding a shorter one in her arms. Paige was peeking out behind a girl with glasses, and had her arm draped around the shoulder of another with freckles. You could see how easily they commingled, lounging against each other in the bright sunlight.

The last picture that caught my eye as I went by was one of Paige and five other girls. Their names were scrawled on the picture in elegant script, and it looked recent. They were all lounging on the back of a house boat. The names were: Paige, Cassidy, Whitney, Anne, Kaitlyn, and Emily. I presumed these were all her best friends, and in the corner was the date: June 23, 2007. Only two months before the present date. She must have been heartbroken to leave them. I could only shake my head and wonder.

“Hey, wait for me!” Paige called, and I thrilled at her touch when she laid her hand lightly on my shoulder. “Your father wanted you to show me around since I am going to be working here for a while,” she whispered, “but I just wanted to come anyway.” Her smile was slightly teasing, but mostly curious. I tried to shrug nonchalantly, yet I could almost feel her disbelief in my casual acts.

“Okay, then I get to show you what I do most of the time.” She nodded, almost confused, and I laughed inwardly at the surprise I was sure to see on her face.

We opened the back door, and she cringed as it squeaked, though I barely noticed that. I heard her mention something about ‘oil’. We walked on the small stone pathway that let from tank to tank, grass growing around the edges of it, and sand beyond that. Paige slipped off her shoes, one at a time, then picked them up in her right hand and grabbed my hand with her other hand. I was still wondering if I was in shock after the kiss and imagining this when she tugged me into the sand, giggling. Her toes splayed out confidently as she flitted across the grounds with me, and her chaotic expression made me laugh. Had I really just met her 15 minutes ago? We slowed to a walk, hers more bouncy than mine, and I savored the sweet breeze, bringing in salty air and that sea-like brine I lived for every morning. The sun baked my face, and I could already tell that I would still have the sun-induced hi-lights later in the colder part of the year. I turned to Paige when she let loose her hair, and I was surprised to see the layers fall all the way down her back, sun bleached streaks in hers, too. It was thick, and waved silkily as we trotted in the sand. Finally we approached the first tank.

“Okay, so this tank is my favorite. Now let me show you why,” I murmured close to her ear. Then I broke into a run and hopped up on the edge of the tank. I quickly stripped off my shirt and dove in. When I came up she seemed not to be looking at me, but to be looking at something behind me, a look of joy in her eyes. I smiled because I knew exactly what she was looking at. I dove back under and called with the whistle that was around my neck to the two shapes that were swimming together. They rushed forward to me, and I got lost as I did every time I worked with the two Harbour Porpoises. I could hear their soft clicks under water, and it made me want to burst with joy just looking at their joy. They were such free creatures.

I came up for air and flipped around to explain to her their names, only to find her slipping off her tank top and shorts, in her bathing suit only. My mind went into shock at the sight of her in a bikini. W-o-w. She crawling onto the edge, and dove right in, perfect swan dive all the way. She swam under the water, not at all on top of the water in the free style stroke I swam. She swam peacefully, not in any hurry, and I admired the way her hair flowed out behind her, becoming threads of silk all woven together. She didn’t come up for air once until she got to me.

“Harbour Porpoises! I have never got to work with and porpoises before! Only Dolphins. My boss said that when I got out of college he would think about it, so I moved out here. I’m heading off to be a freshman at DeVry University. Here at Long Beach, too. I thought it was the best place to go, since I love the west coast. Plus, now I can work here without having to worry about driving so far to school. Will you be a sophomore?” She was so happy, just babbling on, and I was so shocked. She would be going to the same school I was. She would be a freshman like I was. Would she be as shocked as I was?

“I… uh… whoa…” I couldn’t say anything. Today was turning out to be the luckiest day ever.

“Justin?! Are you okay?” Paige looked nervous at my blank stares.

“Yes! I’m great! Better than great!” I burst out with. A grin slowly spread across my face and I pulled her thin waste to me and kissed her again with new enthusiasm and I greater hope for a happy ending than I ever had in my life before. I didn’t care if she hated me for going at it a second time. I didn’t care if she hated me for not even knowing anything about her before kissing her like this. I didn’t care, because it all felt just so right for once in my life. Then she wrapped her arms around me neck and pulled closer, like she too needed the comfort that I sought with her. Her lips her slightly parted as were mine, and I breathed in the heady scent that came off her smooth skin. I let my hands play across her hair, loving the way it slid easily through my fingers. Her fingers wound themselves in my hair, and they knotted quickly as she clutched to me, obviously wanting nothing more then what I wanted; to stay welded like this forever. I closed my eyes to enjoy the moment with all of my other senses when something rammed into my back. I flew forward into the water, pushing her down with me. I came up choking, but when I looked around, she wasn’t above the water.

“Oh no. Oh no no no no no! Paige!” I flipped around frantically, glancing through the clear waters of the pool, trying to see if she was on the bottom. She probably hit her head on the shallow floor, and I would never forgive myself if she was hurt. I searched in a mad daze until I heard a scream.

Not a scream of terror, but of joy.

I flipped around to see her hanging on the fin of one of the porpoises. She was being pulled towards me, and I smiled when I saw her face. But my smile faded when I saw the huge gash on her forehead. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that it was stupid to be in the tank without greeting the porpoises. They were so spoiled and needed the attention so badly that they would butt anyone in the back who ignored them. Though I had taught them myself how to pull people on their fins like they were now, they were still dangerous creatures if they wanted to be.

“Paige!” I screamed, and my frantic expression must have scared her a little, because her smile faltered, then fell of her face, as she noticed the warm blood trickling down the side of her face. She let go of the fin to reach up and touch her head and slid into the water. I swam to her swiftly, pushing my arms hard against the waters that pushed me backwards. When I finally got to her, she was pale and trying hard to breathe through her mouth.

“That was fun,” she laughed shakily, still breathing through her mouth. I guessed at that point that she couldn’t stand the smell of blood. It wasn’t doing much for me at the time, either.

“Let’s go inside. Now,” I was firm because I didn’t like the odd color she was turning. She seemed almost green when she nodded.

I was able to swim with her clinging to me back because, though she was easily as tall as me, she was very light. I lifted her gently up on the ledge and swung my legs over. Then I picked her up in my arms and cradled her to my chest like a young child. I was walking swiftly up the path, ignoring the way the hot stones burned my bare feet when she started shaking slightly in my arms, even with the heat. I brushed the hair out of her eyes and she smiled weakly. Her eyes were cloudy but she tried to stay focused.

“It’s my fault. Really, it is. I wanted to try riding them like I saw you yesterday when I came by to get the details on my job. But I didn’t know it was so fast. They just took off, and I couldn’t hold and that’s when I cut my head, when they dove under and I hit the bottom. I’m so sorry,” tears leaked over the rims of her eyes, sorrowful and pained, whether because of the pain or the remorse, I couldn’t tell, but I very gentle kissed the tip of her nose to calm her down.

I really needed to get to know this girl.

I kicked open the door and rushed inside, ignoring the gaping expressions from the two college guys who clocked in a few minutes after we went outside. They were always the ones with new girlfriends every week, and it shocked them to see me with this gorgeous girl. I kept on walking to the beat up fabric couch that we had in the back of the room so we could watch the plasma if ever we got to bored, which was often. Ever so gently I laid her down, and slid the only pillow under her head, gesturing that I would be right back.

George had been hunched over at his desk, typing away, when he glanced up to see why they gasped. His expression went from curious to appalled in record time.

“Justin, oh my gosh, what did you do to her, boy?” Of course, always assume it was my fault. I ignored him and ran to grab a wet cloth to lie on her forehead. I grabbed the clean one off the rack in the bath room and ran it under the warm water. I wrung it out a little and dashed back into the main office. I sat on the couch, trying not to shake it too much, and placed the washcloth over her head, dabbing gently to try and clean off some of the blood. The color wasn’t returning to her cheeks, which bothered me deeply.

“Carson, call the hospital. Tell them we have a head injury and they might need to come here,” My voice was sharp as I whipped orders to one of the college boys. He was the kinder of the two, and I knew he wouldn’t argue. He seemed to keep the girls for longer, whether he was more appealing or appreciated them longer, I didn’t know.

“Justin, I’m getting your dad,” George said, then dashed off before I could stop him. I sighed in defeat at what was sure to be the worst lecture I had ever gotten in my life.

“I don’t need any help… I’m fine, really… See?” Paige lifted herself up gently on the couch, and then swung her legs over the edge. Still holding the wash cloth to her head she turned to me and smiled weakly before taking two steps. On her third step, her face went bone white again and her knees gave way. She sank to the floor and I reached down to pick her up. My face was a mask of pain and worry, seeing as the only girl who had ever shown any interest with me would probably never want to see me again because I had put her life on the line. I cradled her in my arms again, and then tried to set her on the couch. But her fingers that had twined around my neck refused to let go. I reached up with one hand and tried to unlock her fingers, but she refused to unwind them. She still managed to smile slyly, and I sighed in defeat and sat on the couch, with her on my lap. She refused to let go of my neck, afraid I would leave; though that was the last thing I wanted to do.

Her nose was buried in the crook of my neck and my cheek resting in her hair when my father stormed into the room.

“JUSTIN!” he bellowed the second he caught sight of my head resting on her hair, and her face buried in my shoulder blade. It only made things worse. “What did you DO to her? You called the HOSPITAL because of a HEAD INJURY?! WHAT HAPPENED?!?!” His voice was threatening to reach new levels of maximum volume, so I blurted out.

“Nothing, I did nothing. It was that porpoise that you have scared to death out there,” I new it wasn’t true that the porpoises were scared, because I interact with them daily. I just used that card because I knew that they were terrified when he had taken them from the ocean uncalled for. I will always use that against him. Wild animals need to be left to be wild, free. He didn’t understand that, just like he never understood me.

“Justin…?” Paige mumbled into my skin. I turned back to her right as the door opened, with Carson leading in the local doctor, Doc, as we called him. I had visited him last time I broke my arm on the rocks by the beach. He was a good guy, and I knew he could help her.

“Shh, its okay, the doctor is going to take a look at your head and see if you’re okay,” I was talking quietly to her, almost as is she was a child, and she noticed. She looked up and smiled thankfully for my patience.

“Justin, you said head injury on the phone, so what happened?” Good old Doc, right to the injury. So I explained in brief what happened. Paige groaned when I got to the part of her diving under the water and hitting her head on the bottom. I casually left out the part of kissing in the tank.

“Mmmm hmmm, sounds like a possible minor concussion. But I can stitch her up here, if you would like,” he suggested, and I looked at Paige. She wasn’t scared, or was hiding it well if she was, and I questioned her with my eyes. She nodded once, and I nodded at Doc. Yet I about told him not to when he got out the needle he was going to use to stitch up the cut.

“Son, you might want to hop up while I do this,” Doc said, and I tried to slide out from under Paige. Yet her arms were clinging desperately to my neck, and her eyes were a silent begging not to go. I went to reach around my neck and forcefully remove her hands when the symbolism of it caught up with me.

If I really loved her, and wanted her, even if I knew nothing about her, I couldn’t leave her now, despite my fear of needles. But if I made her release me, then I was saying, in a way, that she didn’t mean that much to me.

And she did mean everything to me, this total stranger who made me believe in love at first sight.

So I grasped her closer, pressing her skin against mine, relishing the warmth, and shrugged at Doc. He looked at me with strange eyes, eyes that were finally happy, seeing me happy, like he had never seen me before. I bent down gently and pressed my lips against hers. My dad’s sharp gasp almost made me stop, but I realized that I should be able to make my own decisions. So I pressed my mouth lightly to hers, and she pressed her lips against mine, almost as if she was scared that if she wasn’t strong enough that I would leave. I parted my mouth slightly, once more wishing that this moment could be all that I would ever live with forever. I felt the corners of her mouth turn up slightly and I had to release her for Doc.

I couldn’t bear to see him put stitches in her head, even though I was sure that her bangs, cropped shorter than the rest of her hair, would cover them when he was done. I played with her fingers, lifting them slightly and learning the contours of how they rose and fell. Doc sighed and got up, so I presumed he was done.

“Well, I suggest that she not come to work for the next week,” her eyes flashed with steel and a possible rebellion against doctor’s wishes on that, “and that she take a couple of pain killers tonight. The stitches should actually dissolve after a while, so don’t worry about getting them wet. Be careful next time,” Doc threw one more accusing glare at me, and then walked through the door.

“I am not going to sit on my butt at home for the next week! I am coming tomorrow, I don’t care what that fancy shmancy doctor of yours says…” Paige was rattling on, so I assumed she felt better. I let her sit in my lap as everyone knelt in front of the couch and asked her what had happened and how it felt to have stitches. I listened to her musical voice, reminding me of wind chimes the way it rose and fell in a beautiful tone. Her cheeks were gaining their color back. Her eyes still looked sad, but not as doleful as before. They seemed almost preoccupied from the sadness that hung on her soul, the sadness I had sensed before I had even said a word to her. I wanted to take it all away from her, make her happy, even if I had to jump off a cliff to do it. She shifted slightly in my lap, but not farther away, rather closer to me but still angled so that she could talk to them. She let one of her hands fall from my neck, her fingertips brushing along my still bare chest when she let them fall in a way that made my breath catch and my heart race. She used her hands animatedly, waving them around while she talked. Yet she somehow managed to inconspicuously brush my cheek, or my hair, or my shoulders as she talked. Her eyes never glanced at me, but if I shifted, she did, readjusting like I was her gravitational pull. The way her breath, vanilla and mint all mixed together, tickled my cheek made me want to inhale deeply. She wore no perfume, but the fragrance just emanating from her skin made my senses go mad. Because she was still in a bikini, I could trace down her arms, lightly, so that no one would notice. I slid my hands down the small of her back, angling her again so that no one could see. I relished at the warmth she emitted, and traced my thumb down her spine once more while I spoke.

“Paige,” I whispered with my lips close to her ears. I saw her shiver, but not out of discomfort. “I might need to take you home now. You can show me where you live. I’ll drive your car and then walk home. How about it?” I asked, but my voice sounded more persuasive than just a question.

“That would be great, thank you. And thank you for this… exciting day,” She laughed lightly. She stood up, knees shaking slightly. I bent down to pick her up, but she waved me off, clutching around my shoulder instead. I wrapped my arm around her waste, hugging her to me for support. She waved a casual goodbye as we sauntered clumsily out of the office. Once down the path, she whispered in my ear.

“I think I’ll like it here. As soon as Doc says I can get back to work, we are trying that again. The poor porpoises didn’t know I was such a novice,” This girl, this amazingly reckless yet still timid girl, this girl who drove me crazy, this girl I wanted to know everything about, this girl drove me insane right at that moment; insane in the sense of this-is-first-love-so-I’ll-put-up-with-y... insane.

Where is your car?” I blew off her comment, inwardly shaking at the thought of having to repeat this whole ordeal.

“Over there,” she pointed casually as she looked sideways at my face. She really was quite tall, taller than most of the other girls I had seen around. She was only about an inch shorter than me, and I think I liked having someone my height.

I followed the line of her finger and stopped momentarily. Why was I not surprised that she drove a convertible? And not just any convertible, but a BMW M3 convertible, top of the line. I continued on down the sandy path towards the lot, but not before she misread my pause.

“I know, it is kinda shabby, but I like it,” she mumbled defensively. Shabby? Did she say shabby? Good grief, this girl’s parents must be money bags.

“Not shabby at all. Plus, at least your car runs. Mine is still stuck at a garage. Plus, I like the red.” I was teasing a little, but I really did like the color.

“You’re teasing me. You don’t like it, do you?” She sounded playfully hurt. I tapped her lightly on the nose with my finger before opening the passenger side door. She looked slightly disgruntled that I got to drive, but I ignored her. Walking casually around the front of the car, I wondered if this would be some of the last time we would have to talk about what happened today. And I wasn’t talking about her head injury. My fingers hesitated to open the door, afraid of the certain banishment I was going to get from her. I was afraid of rejection, and that was why I had never tried harder to get a girl. I didn’t want to be turned away.

I opened the door anyway.

I sat down quietly and then shut the door. Then all of a sudden she was on top of me, kissing me so roughly that I gasped. Her mouth was moving in earnest on mine, and her hands clutched the side of my face as if they could hold me there if I didn’t want to be there. But I did want to be there. I was just confused as to why she was suddenly passionate about the way she kissed; before it had been gentle, yet this was rough and desperate to make me understand. Yet I didn’t quite understand, especially when I felt salty tears slide from her cheeks onto mine, and her body being taken over by wracking sobs as she clung to me. I knew then that she wasn’t lying about her first kiss, because the way she acted as if she needed this to go on forever was completely understood, understood by me, the novice at relationships. I took the side of her face in my hands and lifted it gently up so that I could see why she was crying. Silent tears slid down her body as sobs continued to shake her slender frame. Through her sobs she managed to choke out words that made everything clear.

“I just thought… you were the one… as soon as I looked at you… I wanted to touch your face… then you kissed me… but I was sure… after you saw how stupid I was… in the tanks… that you… wouldn’t… want… me…” her fears, irrational as they were, took over once again and she buried her face in my chest. I clutched her hair and pressed my lips to it, and held her tightly.

“I never believed in love at first sight until today,” I whispered to her as I pulled her up to cradle next to my neck, “but you made me believe. You made me believe, you, this complete stranger, made me believe that I could find someone who would understand. And I will never give up on that. That rush of my blood hot through my veins because of you will never go away, even if you do. For the only way I will leave you is if you don’t want me anymore.” My voice was confident at the end, and she looked up at me with tears still in her eyes. Her lips brushed along my neck, up my chin, until she found my lips. It was ever so light, the way she brushed against my mouth. Like a butterfly, so elegant yet fragile.

“We might want to get you home now,” I suggested quietly, hoping to lighten the mood.

“Yup, that would be a good thing,” she said in a still shaky voice. I lifted her up gently, trying to reposition myself as I did so. When she had thrown herself on top of me, we had slid lower in the seat until her foot had hit the reclining button and it had slid back. She was practically lying on top of me. I slid her next to me, yanked up the seat, and the pulled her up on my lap delicately. I could drive like that, surely. She looked over her shoulder in question, and snuggled closer when I smiled at her. Her cheek was pressed against mine when I pulled out of the lot.

“So, tell me about yourself,” I said conversationally. I slid to the far left of the seat and let her slide down to the right since she was thing enough. Turning the steering wheel would be a problem if I didn’t.

How does this sound?
To be honest i am not actually going to sit down and read that so thanks for the 2 points...sorry
Reply:yea same here, but i just read the 1st paragraph. its good, it would be better if you added more details so that you can get the reader more into the book. or something,sry.
Reply:I%26#039;m with miss E thanks for the points

acne cure

Where can I buy body armor designed to resist sword knife and other slicing/stabbing tools?

2009-04-14T01:17:00.001-07:00

I participate in sword play as a hobby (Steel Katana) and also practice Hagan ah (hand to hand combat), and wrestle with my dogs who has sharp nails.

I have been sliced and cut along my arms and legs, which limits how much I can do, and I would like to find a product to protect myself. Problem is, most armor is either bulky metal which does not allow free movement, or fabrics made to resist bullets. More so, nearly all places I have found won%26#039;t cell to a civilian.

I just want to find something that will fit snug along my arms, legs, and chest. (maybe some gloves and boots to go with) that will resist slicing from animal nails and knives and swords - stabbing not as important, but is also wanted since accidents do happen. That resists wear and tear, from rolling on dirt and basement (and likewise protects me from brush burns) and is something that a Civilian can buy.

Even if it only lessens the impact of going bare, I would appreciate any leads.

Where can I buy body armor designed to resist sword knife and other slicing/stabbing tools?
Ok, you should NOT be sparring with sharps! It is way too dangerous, and a serious injury or worse is all but inevitable.

You cannot fully protect yourself from a real sword, as history clearly shows. Use appropriate sparring weapons, instead.

As to protection from your dog%26#039;s nails, and similar items, try Galls online for kevlar or spectra sleeves.

I would seriously advise getting competent instruction before practicing with swords again. Try

http://www.swordforum.com/

There is loads of information there, including a beginner%26#039;s forum, and a Practice Partner finder, to help you locate practitioners near you.

Good luck, and stay safe!
Reply:I suggest cutting your dog%26#039;s nails.....duh. Otherwise wear a long sleeved sweatshirt. I train with steel swords too, but wear armor or a heavy padded coat called a gambeson. If you are actually training with sharp weapons I believe they call that %26quot;adding chlorine to the gene pool. You won%26#039;t be around long if you are doing that.
Reply:http://www.amazon.com/gp/search?ie=UTF8%26amp;...
Reply:It could be illegal in your area because the law wants us to be vulnerable, so you must source your equipment from the street. Avoid transactions that involve a paper trail, and don%26#039;t shop online.
Reply:Chain mail...duh. Sell is spelt S-e-l-l not Cell.

affiliate

Where to get great pirate costume (Pirates of Caribbean style)?

2009-04-14T01:17:00.000-07:00

Hi! I%26#039;ve been searching high and low for a great looking pirate costume online (female, plus size) and have had no luck. I do NOT want those $50 cheapo outfits that are everywhere in October. I am in the LA area so I%26#039;d like options in Southern California or online please!

In a perfect world, I%26#039;d like to have an actual costume from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies as I%26#039;ve worn one previously (but of course could not have it!). Looking for a grungy style that%26#039;s not fully feminine. Think Elizabeth Swann in her guy pirate clothes, but maybe not quite so nice? Ratty pants, unisex billowy shirt, corset, vest or jacket, sash, large belt, knee high boots, hat, scarf. Phew!

Or if anyone can point me in the direction of someone who sells any or all of the above. I think I could find the hat and boots, so perhaps more help with the others.

Maybe if someone could suggest a great place to get the fabrics and someone with great sewing skills?

THANKS

Where to get great pirate costume (Pirates of Caribbean style)?
hey, sorry for not being able to help - but I%26#039;ve been trying for a while to find a similar outfit.

Just a word of warning though - www.poetshirts.com has some good stuff, they%26#039;re just not great at following through with the delivery. (from my experience - may just be a one-off though)

Good Luck with the search ^_^
Reply:This guy has some really good Jack sparrow stuff u can buy things off him!! He is reall cool too! LOL

http://www.sithcamaro.com Report It

skin whitening

Question on craft paints on canvas?

2009-04-14T01:16:00.003-07:00

I got a %26quot;worlds greatest grandpa%26quot; shirt on clearance that came with paint for making handprints. I have been waiting till my little one was big enough to work on this and finally-he is and a holiday is here to boot! But I didn%26#039;t find a shirt form his Nana. I looked at some tshirts, none would work. So I went with a small canvas tote bag for her. I figure she will use it daily and it won%26#039;t get washed as much. Grandpa will likely put his shirt in a glass case for fear of hurting it-LOL. My question-can I use the paint for the shirt on the canvas tote bag? The paint is for fabric and I have a list of instructions for how to apply it and care for the shirt-I assume it will work the same on the bag. I also went for a small bag so the fabric is tighter-I thought a large bag with more %26quot;play%26quot; would crack and damage the paint. It%26#039;s our first big mother-son art project!

Question on craft paints on canvas?
Just make sure you use actual FABRIC paints. If you use regular, craft acrylic paints, it will chip off. It will also make the bag very stiff. Good luck to you!!
Reply:I have used fabric painted on canvas bags and I have it washed in the machine before and it turns out ok. ( I did however, turned the bags inside out and put it in a %26#039;laundry bag%26#039; before sticking it in the wash. ) Another idea for you : how about aprons for nana?

kmdi

Opinions please, critique if you want. Does this section cross the line from teen fiction to adult fiction?

2009-04-14T01:16:00.002-07:00

He reached the top of the last rise and looked down on his father%26#039;s land. Smoke rose from where the house should have been, and the stables were still burning. Crows and ravens circled lazily, as if they knew there would be enough for all. Tylan got closer, and an unfamiliar smell found its way into his nostrils. He could see no horses, but Thalder had owned hundreds. Closer still, and then he could hear them. A few, but not nearly all, were still in the stables. He knew there was no way he could get them out in time, so he reined his horse toward the house to see what remained to be seen. Something, a piece of fabric perhaps, waved from the fence around the house, and Tylan turned toward that spot. When he got there, breakfast made a return trip to daylight and a puddle collected in his left boot. (more coming . . .)

Opinions please, critique if you want. Does this section cross the line from teen fiction to adult fiction?
I think its getting close to the line, but not crossing. There are other %26quot;teen%26quot; books that are more graphic than this. Did you write this? If so, bravo!
Reply:Woah, that%26#039;s gruesome. ._. Umm, I think it still qualifies as teen fiction though.
Reply:Extremely Definetly.

usually teen fiction has no violence but this definitly makes it adult fiction for sure!
Reply:no i think its ok for teens
Reply:first of all, if you wrote this, it is freaking brilliant. your details and diction and overall style is just...very nice. i also like the imagery.

however, as a teen, i have read similarly greusome things, so while it may be a bit violent in that second part, i think you are still on the teen fiction side of the line, maybe just hovering near the line itself...if that makes sense

good work =)
Reply:haha. all the adults are gonna say its too gruesome. Its annoying how much adults want to censor teens because they think it is %26#039;too much%26#039;. this is a graphic passage no doubt but im sure any teen wwill be able to handle it. they see more on movies and t.v. than this. its still teen fiction.
Reply:I think it crosses the line of teen fiction but then again, look at the video games we play(yes I%26#039;m a teen) their even more gory then that. Personally i love adult fiction when its like this, and if you did write it its brilliant! Made me think of what you would read on the back of a book, but ya, if it is yours, and your writing a book, I think its going to be a damn good one ;)
Reply:This is very very good (I read it 5 times... I love it!!), but I%26#039;ve read more gruseme teen fiction storys than this. But it%26#039;s close! (Did you write this? It rocks!!) You are very good at detailing, and description. Keep at it!! ^_^
Reply:I am an adult and write adult fiction and I would go with teen fiction here. I see nothing wrong with it. It is fairly well written, but there were one or two places where I felt it needed to go just a little bit farther. For one thing - sitting there listening to the horses locked in the stables. You really need some kind of a sentence in there that shows some emotion and foreshadows the other atrocities to come. It must be a terrible sound to hear horses burning to death. You need a reaction.

Also I think as he sees that scrap of fabric, his heart would start racing and the pace would pick up a bit. But it is very good. Pax-C
Reply:Have you ever read %26quot;My Brother Sam is Dead?%26quot; It is supposedly a %26quot;young adult%26quot; read, yet the details about the war are just absolutely gruesome. This definitely goes nowhere near it, so you%26#039;re safe! And, by the way, I have to say, this is amazing!
Reply:Very well written, Herf---and fine for teens. As a young teen I was a big fan of horror comics and HP Lovecraft, so not too harsh for the young %26#039;uns. Keep up the good work!

acne care

Need opinions on the best sofa/sectional for family room?

2009-04-14T01:16:00.001-07:00

We are buying a new sofa/sectional for our family room and I have been everywhere looking and still am VERY confused!! I thought I was set on a Natuzzi leather as it was VERY comfortable...until I talked to the salesperson and discovered that the 4K couch is cheaply made and made in China, to boot!! No thank you... Anyhow--my question: Can people please give me their opinions on the best sectional for a family (3 kids) that will wear well?? I would prefer fabric, but I think leather wears better??? Thank you!!

Need opinions on the best sofa/sectional for family room?
try looking off the main sites often you can get a custom made sofa. For a reasonable figure. With the kids perhaps leather would be a better choice for you. Sometimes its not just the price, often you can find a inexpensive sofa that has a great value. Look in your local area do a google search

Leather Sofa %26quot;Your Area%26quot; and just check who is in the local area who customizes sofas. Assuming you want to sit on the sofa and feel it before buying. Spend the time to check the quality of construction and the leather quality more so than the country of origion. you want to find full grain leather and a solid wood frame.

If you are in Florida area check out http://www.loftsofa.com
Reply:www.furniture.com

Burbank Collection Sectional

Villa 2pc sectional

there are my 2 faves..............
Reply:go too overstock.com you might fimd something on there that you like and there prices are resonable.

Hotel Silvota

How do i remove transmission fluid smell/residue from my washing machine?

2009-04-14T01:16:00.000-07:00

I had a bottle of transmission fluid in the boot of my car which leaked onto some clothes I had in the boot. I washed the clothes, but the smell and oil stain remained so i had to throw the clothes out. However, i later did another load of washing and now those clothes smell of the transmission fluid and i cannot get the smell and i presume some residue from my washing machine. I don%26#039;t want to do any more washing until i get the smell out. I have done several empty loads using lots of washing powder and fabric softeners but the smell still remains. By the way, please don%26#039;t say throw the machine out, because it is almost brand new. Thanks for any advice you have.

How do i remove transmission fluid smell/residue from my washing machine?
A cup of Pinesol in hot water wash. Follow with a cup of vinegar in the rinse cycle. The fluid will break down in the pinesol and the vinegar will freshen the smell of the pinesol.
Reply:Add Clorox %26amp; hot water %26amp; let your washer run through the longest wash cycle.
Reply:Hi try this website: plenty of good %26amp; cheap advice

http://www.thriftyfun.com/tf24281327.tip...

Good Luck
Reply:Some newer washing machines, especially front loaders, don%26#039;t drain all the way. If you can turn the barrel and still hear water sloshing around, that%26#039;s why the oil is hanging around. You can fix this by following the directions here: http://www.ocregister.com/column/water-w...

If that fails, call the service line of the company that sold your machine or the company that makes it (as applicable) and see what they say.
Reply:Go to your local Sam%26#039;s Club and buy some %26quot;ODABAND%26quot;. This is a wonderful product. You can use it in your laundry, your and for cleaning your home. It gets rid of odors and germs.

Check it out. You will be pleasantly surprised.

robin
Reply:heavy bleach in the water
Reply:Try running the machine using Baking Powder. It removes stains and odors, too.
Reply:I heard it%26#039;s dangerous to wash and dry clothes with transmission fluid on them, heat...oil...fire.

Anyway...use WHITE vinegar...natures deodorizer and degreaser. Use HOT water

Use two cups in an empty load, then two more cups in the rinse cycle and see what happens...you might end up running it a few more times

By the way, you can add a cup of vinegar to your rinse water and it will take that smell right out of the clothes, but only after the tub itself is free of residue. Oh, and your clothes wont s,ell like vinegar...and your jeans will be super soft. It works really well I use it on my jeans and really smelly stuff like hockey equipment and team jerseys...fresh as a flower!!

Good luck!!
Reply:Dump a box of baking soda into the largest size load, empty of clothes, of course, hot water. If that doesn%26#039;t work, vinegar is next. After that, you may have to bite the bullet and buy Dr. Bronner%26#039;s. You can find it at drugstore.com and it takes out any stain and also removes odors such as cat urine. It%26#039;s only around eight bucks for a 16-oz. bottle, which will generally go a long way because you mix it with water. The bottle%26#039;s freaky, but the product is amazing. It got black shoe polish out of a beige wool rug, cat urine out of a towel, and it%26#039;s all natural, made from hemp.
Reply:Maybe try hot water and bleach.
Reply:throw in bleach with a hot water wash. (do not put clothes in!)

flower

Anyone think I should be a female ninja in white or black?

2009-04-14T01:15:00.003-07:00

It%26#039;s for work at a warehouse, so this costume is appropriate, the contest encourage me to do it tomorrow, so I was wondering black or white ninja costume, I%26#039;m gonna make it myself cus my mom has fabrics. And should I wear them kung fu shoes (Bruce Lee) or black boots, I have both. The boots are like black Uggs. I don%26#039;t remember if ninjas wore boots or kung fu shoes. If I wear white I might get dirty huh? Also, I am putting my hair back in a braid. Yeah, doo-rag for the mask.

Anyone think I should be a female ninja in white or black?
Black with a cool sword will have the guys drooling. By the way, women ninja are called kunoichi (pronounced %26quot;koo - know - itchy).
Reply:Black with a red belt just like Bruce Lee
Reply:Chicks look hotter in black.
Reply:Green ninjas are popular now
Reply:both are fine, black would me more recorgnizable, and would stain less during the day.
Reply:they wear both but go for the boots

try black

oh and go sasuke style from Naruto

brest cancer

Where can i get?

2009-04-14T01:15:00.002-07:00

boot cut jeans that are:

-not butt huggers

-same fabric as levi 501( not that thin designer crap)

also... what brands do you wear?

Where can i get?
Kohl%26#039;s and Sears. Shop the men%26#039;s department and get the Levi%26#039;s 517s. Can%26#039;t tell your gender based on your avatar or user name, but if you%26#039;re a girl add 20 to your size to get the men%26#039;s size. They%26#039;re boot cut jeans with a standard waist and no funny stuff. They are the best pants I have ever worn and the only branded item I wear (or at least seek out). They should run you about $30 a pair and they are worth every penny.
Reply:y dnt u buy levi jeanssss they are coooooooooooool
Reply:bloomingdale%26#039;s and nordstrom%26#039;s have high waisted jeans and sell heavy jeans.

i wear all designer brands, and ONLY designer brands.

computer

How can I dress up a very classy tailored, mini dress?

2009-04-14T01:15:00.001-07:00

This dress has a very simple, elegant look of the 60s %26quot;mod%26quot; look, and may even fall in the retro catagory in today%26#039;s standards, but very high end and classy. The fabric has a slight stretch to it and the dress is lined. It%26#039;s tailored to the body but not clingy or slutty. It%26#039;s not too short, but is about an inch or two above the knee. It has two large retro-like, rectangle patches in the front ... one white, one red. The rest of the dress is black. It has a boat neck and long slightly belled sleeves with a white trimmed cuff. It looks incredible with high black boots and black tights but I wonder if that%26#039;s not dressy enough for MY engagement party. How do I dress it up without loosing the look?

How can I dress up a very classy tailored, mini dress?
ok, love it, sounds gorgeous. Defenitly no boots, if you could get red stilettos with a nice shine, with white pearls and a little red hand bag. That would be so hott!! It would tie in the squares as well. Oh and can you let me know where you got it from??
Reply:That dress sounds fabulous! If you have a great dress, the key to accessories is: less is more. Find an attractive pair of earrings, put on those black boots, and you%26#039;re good to go. Plus, everyone is just wanting to see the ring anyway!

tax credit

What kind of shirt should i wear with my dark purple, velvet miniskirt?

2009-04-14T01:15:00.000-07:00

i was thinking about black tights and boots on the bottom, but i don%26#039;t want to go too dark because its spring now...and velvet is such a rich fabric anyway. i need help making a cute outfit.

What kind of shirt should i wear with my dark purple, velvet miniskirt?
BIKINI TOP
Reply:Maybe you should wear a fancy white or light purple shirt and instead of black tights, get a lighter color of tights - possibly cream (maybe)???? You can keep the boots if you want.
Reply:A long-sleeved, light-weight hot pink shirt with a collar and buttons down the front.
Reply:light pink bonds top or just raid ur drawers and try everything on
Reply:Something OTT, with big, frilly, lacy collar/ruff and cuffs. Something like Louis XIV wore. Dark purple velvet calls for OTT.
Reply:A silky black fitted tank top would be wonderful with the skirt and the shoes. Who cares if it is Spring! If you want to be off the wall you could get a yellow top-- kind of an Iris thing going on... or a lighter pruple top!
Reply:An Ivory colored top with %26quot;natural%26quot; nylons and a deep purple shoe.
Reply:like a pink shirt b/c its light i dont look in your closet :D
Reply:transparent pink silk
Reply:Seeing that it%26#039;s spring now, wear some flats to keep your skirt happening in a more refreshing look than black tights and boots. As for the shirt, go for any colour shirt (make sure that the colour has a blue tone, not an orange tone) that has details like ruffles or short, pouffy sleeves or just turn up the collar for a fun look. Maybe the colour could be white. That will make your outfit pop without looking trashy. With a skirt, there are two current rules to make it work: Show legs and wear flats. And, wear cool accessories as the golden rule of all outfits.
Reply:its too late in the year for a velvet miniskirt.. but if you have to - wear a blouselll as far as the shoes --- boots would be okay but no black tights
Reply:I think you should wear like a cute baby pink top that buttons up only at the top to show off alittle clevage, with the purple mini skirt and just the boots trust me its very sexy!
Reply:I think you should wear a nice white ruffled ribbed shirt or something that is very feminine like these tops at Forever21

http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?cat...

http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?cat...

http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?cat...

They have every nice tops that I think would look nice with a velvet skirt.
Reply:see through
Reply:A silky white tank with an empire waist would look really nice.

You don%26#039;t have to wear tights- try gray/white leggings cropped just below the knee.

Ballet flats would look really cute to top off the outfit. Try a silvery or dark purple flat with some embellishments (like sequins or rhinestones) on it.

Good Luck! ;]
Reply:how about a casual crisp white eyelet halter top worn with crisp white cotton wedged espradilles? that will make it a bit more relaxed since the fabrick or the skirt is already too rich and heavey. too much rich fabric is too much. but u can have a cute purple velvet cluctch to match it though

Shoes Agents

What do you call the shoes Fleur Delacour wears in her first scene in the new Harry Potter movie?

2009-04-14T01:14:00.002-07:00

They are powder blue, ankle boots. They look really vintage, with lace--very feminine. They also lace up. They also have some at the beginning of The Devil Wears Prada. I desperately want some. I found some here: http://couture.zappos.com/n/p/dp/1560082...

but they are WAY out of my price range. Is there a place to get knock-off designer shoes? Mainly that have that style. (I%26#039;m flexible with the color/fabric.)

What do you call the shoes Fleur Delacour wears in her first scene in the new Harry Potter movie?
Sorry, I can%26#039;t help you with tips on where to get cheaper versions of this shoe, but I must tell you, these are some killer shoes! I think they%26#039;re late thirties style. You have awesome taste! Hope you get some good answers so I can find out where to buy a pair myself.

Update! Now you got me searching and I believe they%26#039;re from the forties.

1. http://cgi.ebay.com/Cute-1940s-Brown-Cro...

2. Similar, but not quite: http://cgi.ebay.com/Sz-6-Vintage-SUEDE-L...

I%26#039;m sure this search would be much easier if I knew what these things are referred to as!

Okay, also check out these. They%26#039;re new and only $45 bucks-ish. http://www.zappos.com/n/p/p/7230829.html

Found some at this site: http://www.shopzilla.com/8B--Women_s_Sho...
Reply:shoes

treatment

Can anyone tell me where to get the JCrew Bromley Boot, size 8, Dark Graphite. JCrew is SOLD OUT. Want now?

2009-04-14T01:14:00.001-07:00

The Bromley Boot is like a duck boot with shearling lining. It was avaiable in the JCrew Christmas catalog but sold out immediately. I want the dark, grayish tweed fabric. There are only two styles. It was priced at $128.00. I have tried ebay to no avail. Want to buy it now!

Can anyone tell me where to get the JCrew Bromley Boot, size 8, Dark Graphite. JCrew is SOLD OUT. Want now?
wait a month and they will be on sale with more styles

computer virus

Creative Ideas..?

2009-04-14T01:14:00.000-07:00

Hello, I am planning on dressing up as Pirate Wench this year for a friends party. I was not able to afford the hat :( to go along with the costume BUT I have some ideas to add to the costume so I dont look like a whore lol. I mean thats what Im going as basically BUT i need the whole pirate look so people %26quot;get%26quot; my costume. I bought some red and black fabric to make a bandana, head band sorta thing, but Im also wanting to make some kinda gloves. I have an old pair of work gloves I can ravage for the sake of the season, so Im wonder.. what can I add or do with gloves? Or are there any other %26quot;piratey%26quot; ideas to add along. Do you know of any sites that show %26quot;to do-it-yourself%26quot; plans? I have a link with the exact costume I have just take away the hat chick has on, everything else i got (costume, fishnet and my own boots) so you can have an idea of what would look nice. Thanks for any ideas!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v685/s...

Creative Ideas..?
the bandanna is a good idea but i would knock off the gloves your a pirate wench and i really havnt seen to many pirates wear gloves any way, if you want a hat and something not expensive to go with the bandanna go to wal-mart and they have a pretty cool pirates hat for like seven bucks...

books

Please help.?

2009-04-14T01:13:00.003-07:00

What fabric type of leggings should I buy ?

1) Cotton spandex lycra

2) Shiny nylon lycra

I am going to buy some leggings ( and yes I am male ) and I need your help.

Would the leggings look ok with Converse Boots too ? Thanks for your help.

Please help.?
i dont think it really matters. just go out looking for one, and if u like it, buy it! i think leggings would go great with converse. go for it, u should be proud of being bold, different from the crowd.
Reply:1) is much more comfortable and better looking.and i think its cool that a guy is actually gonna wear leggings. Good luck! and dont let anyone tell u that u look retarded.
Reply:I always pick clothing that has more cotton in it if there is a choice, plus spandex adds a bit of stretch to it.

Don%26#039;t forget to shave ;o) .
Reply:the cotton is more comfortable but the shiny looks better.
Reply:Nylon lycra are best
Reply:uhm why do u want leggins they are not comfortable at all but i think the cotton spandex will be your best bet!!! good luck

computer security

What do you think about this soldiers letter?

2009-04-14T01:13:00.002-07:00

From: J.D. Englehart, (Former) SPC. 1st Infantry Division

Sent: January 14, 2006

People often ask me, %26quot;If you are so against the war and couldn%26#039;t stand

the army, why did you ever join in the first place?%26quot; I have answered

the same every time, that perhaps I was naïve, that I wanted a chance

to see the world and earn college money. Or that I felt trapped in a

dead-end town and needed a chance to escape, or that I was curious to

live life as a soldier and gain military knowledge. These answers are

never enough for some people, yet so many young Americans end up in

the military the same exact way.

I understand that I joined just prior to September 11, 2001. Indeed, I

was naïve then to think that we lived in a somewhat peaceful world.

Soldiers at that time joined for other reasons. Maybe soldiers who

join now are ones who want to fight in a war. After much personal

debate, I have learned that my resistance to war and empire was forged

by the army itself. Since the very beginning of my four year military

experience, I was simply a very different soldier.

In basic training, instead of attending church service with the rest

of the privates for two hours of relaxation, I was in the barracks

mopping the floors and cleaning toilets. I would not fake a belief in

god for petty rewards.

While other soldiers were marching in rank and file to eat chow, I was

off to the side, being smoked by a drill sergeant--doing pushups and

flutter-kicks--for refusing to yell out cadence like a dopey high

school cheerleader.

As time went by, it never got any easier. I had a very hard time with

the concept of conformity.

While other soldiers in the barracks were watching porno%26#039;s and hitting

the beer bong with their frat-buddies, I was sitting on my bunk in a

dark corner of a room reading Noam Chomsky.

Instead of spending endless hours spit-shining my boots or ironing my

BDU%26#039;s, I was playing punk riffs on my guitar or perhaps writing poetry.

I would routinely skip out on company %26quot;mandatory fun days%26quot; and go back

to my room and sleep. Beetle Bailey was my hero.

Instead of spending every weekend going to the same mundane hip-hop

clubs and discos, starting fights and trying to get laid, I was

backpacking across Europe with other like-minded friends. We traveled

way beyond the limits that a mileage pass would allow. We were openly

learning about other cultures, exploring a great unknown, and living

life to the fullest while we had it.

Instead of hating Iraqis for their strange ways and resentful

behavior, I was trying to imagine the world in which they lived, even

before an unwelcome US occupation forced them to live in a war zone.

While other soldiers were bragging about how many hajis they had waxed

in the last engagement, I was carefully pondering what the longtime

ramifications would be for such inane bloodshed.

Instead of coming back from missions and going straight to the

PlayStation, I was writing what I saw and how I felt on this blog.

It is true that I was a very different breed in the army. However,

there were others like me. We were far and few between, we were

misfits in an olive-drab green hell. We solidified, became friends,

and became brothers. Most of the soldiers in my platoon were this way,

outcasts. We opposed the war, sometimes openly. We were never

persecuted for our beliefs because, although we were angry, we were a

whole. We were a group of covert-subverts and our chain of command

hated it.

I came home from Iraq and was awarded combat spurs, a glorious

achievement for a cavalry scout. I contemplated the true meaning of

these spurs, this icon of war. Spurs that were worn by soldiers on

horses; who rode with General Custer and decimated the American Indian

population. Spurs painted with the blood of five major wars of the

20th century, some wars to fight empire and others to promote it. What

would I do with these spurs? I decided to hold on to them. They meant

much more than archaic tradition and a turbulent history. Somehow they

meant comradery and friendship. My brothers-in-arms and I had earned

them together, and they symbolize a token of deep understanding of a

past we will share together, until the day we die.

Today%26#039;s public thinks that every American soldier fighting in Iraq

supports the war and that his/her morale and trust in command is very

high. However, in my experience, this was simply not true. I

encountered dissent on many levels (For one example, see post below:

Free Speech for Soldiers, Sept.21, 2004). Even soldiers who supported

the army and loved their job hated being in a conflict they could not

understand. Some soldiers did understand, and were resentful for it.

The morale for the majority of our brigade was relatively low. I

rarely met anyone who wanted to fight in Iraq, and the only ones who

truly wanted to stay were the high echelon officers who seemed more

concerned about their careers than the overall mission.

Some may wonder where these disgruntled soldiers are. I believe that

they are a part of every social fabric of our country. I%26#039;ve certainly

met more angry veterans than I have boastful ones. Some missing limbs,

some missing friends, others missing innocence. Angry and confused.

Cannot find the healthcare they need. Cannot find jobs. Can no longer

find a place to fit in our society.

Some of these soldiers are still in the military and fear

repercussions of speaking out. Soldiers who served several missions in

Iraq and want no more. Soldiers tied to the war machine with no hope

of escape. They wait for their day of freedom, hoping to avoid another

stop-loss. They want out before death takes them first.

So many silent voices and whispered stories. I know one veteran who

refuses to talk about his experience because he thinks no one will

understand and it won%26#039;t change anything anyways. Another veteran I

know candy-coats his experience so he won%26#039;t disappoint his

conservative family members. These soldiers are everywhere, but choose

to remain silent because they fear ostracism from a war crazed,

jingoistic public. The media plays with everyone%26#039;s mind, convincing

everyone that everything is okay as long as you trust in the

government%26#039;s overall plans for victory in Iraq. But when one asks a

veteran for the truth, this optimistic fairy tale of ultimate victory

seems a hard pill to swallow.

I am not trying to speak for every soldier and veteran. I know that

there are those out there who support the war effort and feel good

about being in Iraq. However, in my experience, I have not met too

many who feel this way. There is a rising tide of antiwar sentiments

growing in this country. Fifty-two percent of America now feels it was

not worth going to war with Iraq, while fifty-eight percent disapprove

of Bush%26#039;s handling of the war, and now a whopping fifty-three percent

actually support a Bush impeachment. (CNN/USA Today/Gallup Poll/Zogby

Poll. Jan. 6-8, 2006). One would have to wonder how these polls might

look if more and more soldier accounts were brought to the public%26#039;s

attention. There is a truth that lies buried under the Pentagon

propaganda machine and the misinformation provided by corporate media

and a dishonest administration, and that truth lies in the experience

of combat soldiers.

In the end I know that my experience may have been different, or that

maybe I was a very different kind of soldier. But it was the army that

molded my contempt for authority and distrust of a feudalistic

government that pulls the strings. Through my army involvement I met

others like me who felt much of the same way. We were dissidents, but

never un-American. On the contrary, we knew the difference between

following orders and thinking for ourselves. Ultimately, there is no

difference between love for one%26#039;s country and the willingness to

oppose a government that institutes war, fear and oppression on any

level. There are many soldiers and veterans who share the same

feelings as me and others I met along the way. Some are even in the

ranks of the military. Someday all the soldiers will come home and

when they do, their stories and sentiments will follow. Only then will

a better understanding of the truth be known.

--

J.D. Englehart

What do you think about this soldiers letter?
As a former soldier i can agree with parts of the letter. I dont think that it is fair, or safe to assume that most young people who join the military are naive,I joined after Sept. 11, so i knew what was to come. i wasnt in a dead-end town, i didnt need the college money. i joined because after Sept. 11 happend i felt that it was what i was supposed to do, my dad, my grandfather serviced this country, so it was a questioin of %26quot;if they did it then why shouldnt i%26quot;. i admit that it was hard to conform to what they wanted, to change my way of thinking and adpot theirs(i dont think i ever did). i wanted to speak out, and say i didnt agree with this, or i didnt agree with that. In the begining i was afraid, i didnt want my follow soldiers to think that i was different from them. so i didnt speak my mind, i was always the quite one, but as time went on and my military career grew i realized that i was going about it all wrong. the reason the military is what it is today is because we have soldiers who speak their minds, who arent afraid to say things, who are not afraid of change. the military needs this, if we just had robots then no one could lead when they needed them to, no one could step up and take charge in a deadly situation. i dont agree with the war, i never have and never will, but to me, its not a question of if you agree with the war or not as a soldier. its who will protect my family,the freedoms that i take advantage of as an American,its will you support, will you protect your follow soldier who has gone through basic training, who has been through all the bull**** that you have, that soldier who stands by you, even the %26quot;disgruntaled soldiers%26quot;, its about the bond that you and your follow soldiers have and no one else can understand. no civilan can understand what a soldier goes thourgh, what they have been though, thats a secert shared by only the soldiers and no one can take that away from them.i may not agree with everyting the letter says, but as i follow soldier i understand it and i can respect it. i say bravo to J.D. Englehart for writing this letter, for saying what is on is mind and so many other soldiers. to me this is what American needs, to hear different truths and realize even as a soldier you do have an opinion.
Reply:He knew he was gambling with his life when he signed that line.May cite naivety as the reason,but his expectations of never being called,he had to know,were ridiculous.So sorry that need lures men to do such things. Report It

Reply:cont.%26#039;d

We can see here the price of selling URslf 4 smthing U don%26#039;t believe in. Thank you soldiers 4 saving us all from living that kind of life everyday as ctzens. Report It

Reply:I think that it is awesome that he feels that way. Afterall, our country is about freedom of speech. And in that letter he says that he loves his country and he is an american I%26#039;m sure everyone has a little bit of a problem with the war. Personally, I think its just for oil. Report It

Reply:Very brave that went but I%26#039;m sorry that he resents it. It sounds to me like he needs to put it behind him and move on. I wouldn%26#039;t judge the war or what%26#039;s going on in this country on a letter written by an individual. That%26#039;s only one opinion, because he is a soldier his opinion does not mean more than any other American.
Reply:%26quot;Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.%26quot; H.L.Mencken
Reply:I don%26#039;t think he should have joined the army in the first place.
Reply:Written by a friend

One who still have feelings

Guys who can see the truth like him are Heros.

Respect

People like this guy prove us that there is still chances for peace around the world.

Sometimes the view of the war by some people makes me laugh, have you ever seen ruined abandoned cities? Beautiful cities full of people they were. If you see one you will understand what this guy means.

Have you lost relatives in a war? friends? teachers? people you know?

What about a limb?

Do you know these people who are killed in Iraq are humans like you, they have families like you?

When you talking about Iraq do you know that you are talking about one of the oldest civilizations of earth?

Have you ever heard of Babylon? it was there when even europe wasn%26#039;t count as a civilized territory.
Reply:I think that his letter is good.If he was good enough to go and fight for us then we should be really nice to him.So. i think that the letter makes alot of sense to me.

treatment

Is there a polite way to return a Christmas present you don't like - totally hate?

2009-04-14T01:13:00.001-07:00

i received from my husband%26#039;s sisters and mom a pair of cowboy-like boots, a babyblue turtleneck sweater.... nothing wrong with that - right? but it is so not my style... the sweater%26#039;s fabric is itchy... i%26#039;m never cold and i hate sweaters.i%26#039;m not into the cowgirl style.

I need help.

Is there a polite way to return a Christmas present you don%26#039;t like - totally hate?
Were the gift receipts included with the gifts? If so, then the gift givers understand that you may want to return the gifts.

If not, I would return them anyway. It%26#039;s a fine line, I think in keeping the gifts and never using them and returning them and possibly offending those who gave them to you.

I would rather have something I would use and like.

Send a nice thank you note, don%26#039;t let them know you are returning them (at least in the note). When they ask about the gifts and why you aren%26#039;t wearing them, you can say something like

%26quot;It was incredibly nice of you to spend the time to pick out these gifts for me. However, They weren%26#039;t right for me. I exchanged them for xxxx.%26quot;

They may be offended for a while. But, perhaps your husband could explain that you are wearing or using the %26quot;gifts%26quot; now.

This may affect what you get in coming years, but then, maybe they will ask for a list the next time.
Reply:Thank for the points. But since you are in Mexico and your sister-in-law is in the US, will she ever see you wearing them?

Happy New Year and Good Luck! :) Report It

Reply:I would try hard to return them for something you like first...tell your mil that the sweater and boots don%26#039;t fit and if she has a receipt to return them...if not, your not stuck wearing them as they don%26#039;t fit;) lol

Donate them to a women%26#039;s shelter...good luck!
Reply:re gift it, or donate it to a store...or person you know who%26#039;d like it...or a homeless person?
Reply:They do not fit is the best way out of this. It%26#039;s honestly impolite to ask for receipts because most people do not want you to know what they sent on them, You can ask her if the gifts came with gift receipts because the items do not fit you correctly. Explain that the boots pinch you in the toes. This is very common when it comes to cowboy boots that are not fitter proper. As for the sweater you can tell her it pulls across your shoulder because its to tight in the bust area. If given details like that, then it does indeed look like the items did not fit.
Reply:If you can get away with taking them back. Do so shi*! I mean assuming it will go sort aunnoticed. I%26#039;m sure some fool will tel you your being RUDE and selfish. But afterall, your telling US, NOT his family, right? So hey taek them back, get something you prefer!
Reply:Given that the cowboy boots and turtleneck sweater are not your style and therefore, they will never be worn by you there is no point keeping them simply because they were given to you by your Mother-in-Law and Sister-in-Law. Their intent was good and that is what%26#039;s important here. That is what you will remember.

Pass them along to a thrift store or give them to somebody you know will appreciate the style. If somebody else can use something that you simply never will, pay it forward ~ as they say ~ with more good intent.
Reply:Ask them for the receipt and return them.You could just find out where they bought them and try to return them yourself.I know they will give you the receipt if you ask...
Reply:give them to a thrift store.

you don%26#039;t have to tell anyone you did that.

give it to friends who will like it...who don%26#039;t know your in-laws.

give them to a homeless shelter or somewhere they can be used.
Reply:I hear people all the time saying, %26quot;If they don%26#039;t like it, they can just return it.%26quot; If you don%26#039;t like it, take it back to the store or take it to Good Will. I doubt your in-laws are that attached to your gift.
Reply:Try telling them that they don%26#039;t fit.
Reply:There is no polite way to return a gift. The %26#039;givers%26#039; will be totally offended.

Do what I do: Put them in a charity bin. Someone will love them and you are GIVING. Which is what Xmas is all about
Reply:I hope your in-laws are not the type who expect to see you wearing their gifts and when they do see them are always asking where they are.

Camel

Just How Gay is the GOP?

2009-04-14T01:13:00.000-07:00

Sen. Larry %26#039;Wide Stance%26#039; Craig, just another in a long daisy chain of happy homoevidence

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist

Friday, September 7, 2007

Here is the sticky, irresistible question, hovering like some sort of perky rainbow-colored cloud over anyone who reads the news or pays attention to the scandals or the nifty bathroom hand signals or the various semen stains covering the pages of the Official GOP Handbook like some sort of wretched, skanky Kandinsky painting:

Really, just how many closeted, self-hating, violently repressed %26quot;I-am-not-gay%26quot; totally gay hypocrites are there in the Republican Party? Or for that matter, in your average born-again Christian megachurch? Or in the U.S. military? Or in (your morally righteous group%26#039;s name here)? Ten percent of them? Fifty? A hundred and four?

Because baby, it just keeps popping up, scandal after scandal, homophobic lawmaker after anti-gay preacher after gay marriage attacker after hooker-loving %26quot;family values%26quot; adulterer, Bob Allen to Ted Haggard to Jim West to Glenn Murphy Jr. to David %26quot;Diaperman%26quot; Vitter, so many examples of a militant loudmouthed Christian Republican suddenly caught with his pants down around his boyfriend%26#039;s ankles that, after so many headlines, the notion that these cases might be rare or exceptional simply vanishes and you are left only with the undeniable fact that, oh my God, the American right is simply teeming with so much murky, pressure-cooked homoeroticism it might as well be a Young Republicans kegger at Mark Foley%26#039;s pink Miami Beach condo.

Not exactly a revelation, I admit. As you already know and as any D.C. therapist or male prostitute or honest historian will happily remind you, this is the way it%26#039;s always been; incidents like Idaho Sen. Larry Craig%26#039;s toe-tapping in the tearoom merely reinforce the great Rule of Conservative Hypocrisy -- the louder and more self-righteous the indignation over a given %26quot;moral%26quot; issue, the more sure you can be that the screamer in question is simply oozing with repressed fantasy/lust regarding that very issue -- and what%26#039;s more, is very likely acting on it, right now, in a fetish dungeon, brothel or bathroom stall near you.

Same as it ever was? Absolutely.

Maybe this, then, is the more interesting question: How far back does it go? How deep can you trace it? To the very roots of humanity itself? Indeed, you need no microscope, no copy of %26quot;The Agony and the Ecstasy%26quot; to see the ocean of homoerotic sexual repression surrounding the very foundations of the conservative fundamentalist worldview, or the church itself, hearkening back to all those early, nasty popes (secretly married, secret adulterers, secret flocks of nubile boys at their disposal).

You need no %26quot;Da Vinci Code%26quot; to tell you of the religious right%26#039;s eternal repression of the feminine divine, its deep fear of sex, its eternal fascination with the supple flesh of young males. Hell, show me a vociferous anti-sex fundamentalist of any religious or political bent -- be he Muslim, Christian, Jew, Mormon, Republican or other -- and I%26#039;ll show you a slideshow of his secret nighttime fantasies so kinky and dark it would make Jenna Jameson shudder. And not in a good way.

In this light, Larry Craig is merely carrying on a proud, rather disgusting tradition among the morally rigid and the sexually turgid. He is but one in a long, long line of dangerous, duplicitous cretins who stab madly at the world and work like fervent demons to demean others because they cannot stand their own repulsive reflection in the mirror.

It%26#039;s as if all the pedophilic priests and all the gay evangelists and the hooker-loving, cocaine-snorting family values GOP crusaders really want us to know that there exists no bastion of stiff, sanctimonious %26quot;moral%26quot; values that is not, at its core, corrupt and messy and wrongheaded as the Taliban at a nudist colony.

Not our military, a massively warped organization apparently far more terrified of gays than of dropping its entrance barrier so dangerously low it makes good soldiers nervous, not the seminary with the pitter-patter of young men%26#039;s feet from bunk to bunk after light%26#039;s out, not the megachurches with their deep, eternal, fetishistic fascination with all things anal and perverted and hookeriffic and yummy.

And for the record, no, liberals and Dems are far from immune to this timeless rule (though the self-hating hypocrisy part is largely muted, by default). It%26#039;s equally true for any hardcore PETA activist or Earth Firster. The more intolerant you become and the more fixed your ideas of how it%26#039;s all supposed to work, the more likely the universe will simply laugh, and smack you upside the head, and secretly take your picture licking your new leather boots or applauding the bombing of Afghanistan or eating that endangered baby seal burger. In your Hummer. With a rifle. On top of Bill O%26#039;Reilly. (Shudder.)

But one vital aspect of this otherwise rather typical gay-Republican scandal must be repeated, merely for the record: Truly, no one would give much of a damn that Craig%26#039;s as gay as a three-dollar bill and probably has been for oh, about 40 years now -- in fact, it might have even been applauded, had he come out with anything resembling dignity or honesty -- were the man not a raging, deceitful, duplicitous fraud, one who%26#039;s intentionally and maliciously damaged lives, restricted sexual progress and, with his fellow homophobes in Congress, taken a rusty, serrated knife the very fabric of human love. Oh yes he has.

After all, this is the same sniveling Larry Craig who snickered that Bill Clinton was a %26quot;bad, nasty, naughty boy%26quot; during Lewinskygate, the same Craig who helped to enact the military%26#039;s brutal, failed %26quot;don%26#039;t ask, don%26#039;t tell%26quot; policy (which, as Slate%26#039;s William Saletan points out, is a complete and degrading sham -- if you don%26#039;t tell, they make you tell), the same senator who voted for the Defense of Marriage Act and against adding sexual orientation to the list of punishable hate crimes.

In fact, Craig%26#039;s classic case of GOP hypocrisy, of the chasm between his homophobic public persona and his homosexual personal lusts is simply so blatant, so undeniably grotesque, he becomes a bizarre case study, a cultural curio, a deeply fascinating -- albeit largely nauseating -- archetype, full of obvious but still mandatory lessons for us all.

But let us look, just for now, at the biggest one of all. This particular lesson comes straight from the universe itself. It flows and ebbs and floods over all of time, it reeks of blood and sex and huge explosions of exotic flowers, tells tales of history and warped leaders and sexual mayhem going back millennia. In other words, this lesson, as they say, has seen it all.

It goes something like this:

Dear eternally baffled, terminally horny humans: You can only poison your own soul for so long. You can only lie to yourself, your wife, your children, the nation, your own miserable and intolerant genitalia before the backlash, the recoil, the nasty acid reflux comes right back up to bite your *** in the cold, cold bathroom stall of life. Do you understand? Do you not yet see?

Do not, at the peril of your very spirit, at the risk of all that is beautiful and good and fluid and sexual and wet and sticky and right, hold so tightly, so violently to your narrow views of sex and love and human behavior that, when you are caught naked and shivering and salivating on your bed of nails doing exactly the thing your beliefs profess to hate, that your very soul explodes, the flowers wilt, the gods laugh and you are handed a tiny yellow ticket guaranteeing your return in the next life as a small, black, cancerous lesion on the underbelly of a hyena. OK?

Thus endeth the lesson.

Thoughts for the author? E-mail him.

Just How Gay is the GOP?
Wow, what a diatribe! Yours is more of a %26quot;telling question%26quot; than an %26quot;asking question,%26quot; but here goes:

Homosexuality has no political affinity and crosses both party lines equally. What you are noticing is the retaliation for what happened during the Clinton era.

It is curious, during this supposedly %26quot;enlightened%26quot; era, politicians are not willing to take a stand on their personal choices for fear of ridicule and removal from office. Sexual orientation is just the tip of the iceberg, as fear of taking a stand on any issue other than %26quot;for God and Country%26quot; seems to be a formula for expulsion from the political arena.

Maybe we, as voters, should evaluate the qualifications for leadership on grounds other than personal preferences. How about education, experience and integrity?
Reply:How soon we forget the Democrats semen stains. I wonder if Monica Lewinsky still has that dress. I wonder if they got all the semen stains out of the oval office rug from the good ol%26#039; Clinton days.
Reply:The Republican Party is %26quot;Uber-Gay%26quot;.
Reply:What I know is that Ron Paul is very straight.
Reply:SUPER GAY

treatment

Just How Gay is the GOP?

2009-04-14T01:12:00.003-07:00

Sen. Larry %26#039;Wide Stance%26#039; Craig, just another in a long daisy chain of happy homoevidence

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist

Friday, September 7, 2007

Here is the sticky, irresistible question, hovering like some sort of perky rainbow-colored cloud over anyone who reads the news or pays attention to the scandals or the nifty bathroom hand signals or the various semen stains covering the pages of the Official GOP Handbook like some sort of wretched, skanky Kandinsky painting:

Really, just how many closeted, self-hating, violently repressed %26quot;I-am-not-gay%26quot; totally gay hypocrites are there in the Republican Party? Or for that matter, in your average born-again Christian megachurch? Or in the U.S. military? Or in (your morally righteous group%26#039;s name here)? Ten percent of them? Fifty? A hundred and four?

Because baby, it just keeps popping up, scandal after scandal, homophobic lawmaker after anti-gay preacher after gay marriage attacker after hooker-loving %26quot;family values%26quot; adulterer, Bob Allen to Ted Haggard to Jim West to Glenn Murphy Jr. to David %26quot;Diaperman%26quot; Vitter, so many examples of a militant loudmouthed Christian Republican suddenly caught with his pants down around his boyfriend%26#039;s ankles that, after so many headlines, the notion that these cases might be rare or exceptional simply vanishes and you are left only with the undeniable fact that, oh my God, the American right is simply teeming with so much murky, pressure-cooked homoeroticism it might as well be a Young Republicans kegger at Mark Foley%26#039;s pink Miami Beach condo.

Not exactly a revelation, I admit. As you already know and as any D.C. therapist or male prostitute or honest historian will happily remind you, this is the way it%26#039;s always been; incidents like Idaho Sen. Larry Craig%26#039;s toe-tapping in the tearoom merely reinforce the great Rule of Conservative Hypocrisy -- the louder and more self-righteous the indignation over a given %26quot;moral%26quot; issue, the more sure you can be that the screamer in question is simply oozing with repressed fantasy/lust regarding that very issue -- and what%26#039;s more, is very likely acting on it, right now, in a fetish dungeon, brothel or bathroom stall near you.

Same as it ever was? Absolutely.

Maybe this, then, is the more interesting question: How far back does it go? How deep can you trace it? To the very roots of humanity itself? Indeed, you need no microscope, no copy of %26quot;The Agony and the Ecstasy%26quot; to see the ocean of homoerotic sexual repression surrounding the very foundations of the conservative fundamentalist worldview, or the church itself, hearkening back to all those early, nasty popes (secretly married, secret adulterers, secret flocks of nubile boys at their disposal).

You need no %26quot;Da Vinci Code%26quot; to tell you of the religious right%26#039;s eternal repression of the feminine divine, its deep fear of sex, its eternal fascination with the supple flesh of young males. Hell, show me a vociferous anti-sex fundamentalist of any religious or political bent -- be he Muslim, Christian, Jew, Mormon, Republican or other -- and I%26#039;ll show you a slideshow of his secret nighttime fantasies so kinky and dark it would make Jenna Jameson shudder. And not in a good way.

In this light, Larry Craig is merely carrying on a proud, rather disgusting tradition among the morally rigid and the sexually turgid. He is but one in a long, long line of dangerous, duplicitous cretins who stab madly at the world and work like fervent demons to demean others because they cannot stand their own repulsive reflection in the mirror.

It%26#039;s as if all the pedophilic priests and all the gay evangelists and the hooker-loving, cocaine-snorting family values GOP crusaders really want us to know that there exists no bastion of stiff, sanctimonious %26quot;moral%26quot; values that is not, at its core, corrupt and messy and wrongheaded as the Taliban at a nudist colony.

Not our military, a massively warped organization apparently far more terrified of gays than of dropping its entrance barrier so dangerously low it makes good soldiers nervous, not the seminary with the pitter-patter of young men%26#039;s feet from bunk to bunk after light%26#039;s out, not the megachurches with their deep, eternal, fetishistic fascination with all things anal and perverted and hookeriffic and yummy.

And for the record, no, liberals and Dems are far from immune to this timeless rule (though the self-hating hypocrisy part is largely muted, by default). It%26#039;s equally true for any hardcore PETA activist or Earth Firster. The more intolerant you become and the more fixed your ideas of how it%26#039;s all supposed to work, the more likely the universe will simply laugh, and smack you upside the head, and secretly take your picture licking your new leather boots or applauding the bombing of Afghanistan or eating that endangered baby seal burger. In your Hummer. With a rifle. On top of Bill O%26#039;Reilly. (Shudder.)

But one vital aspect of this otherwise rather typical gay-Republican scandal must be repeated, merely for the record: Truly, no one would give much of a damn that Craig%26#039;s as gay as a three-dollar bill and probably has been for oh, about 40 years now -- in fact, it might have even been applauded, had he come out with anything resembling dignity or honesty -- were the man not a raging, deceitful, duplicitous fraud, one who%26#039;s intentionally and maliciously damaged lives, restricted sexual progress and, with his fellow homophobes in Congress, taken a rusty, serrated knife the very fabric of human love. Oh yes he has.

After all, this is the same sniveling Larry Craig who snickered that Bill Clinton was a %26quot;bad, nasty, naughty boy%26quot; during Lewinskygate, the same Craig who helped to enact the military%26#039;s brutal, failed %26quot;don%26#039;t ask, don%26#039;t tell%26quot; policy (which, as Slate%26#039;s William Saletan points out, is a complete and degrading sham -- if you don%26#039;t tell, they make you tell), the same senator who voted for the Defense of Marriage Act and against adding sexual orientation to the list of punishable hate crimes.

In fact, Craig%26#039;s classic case of GOP hypocrisy, of the chasm between his homophobic public persona and his homosexual personal lusts is simply so blatant, so undeniably grotesque, he becomes a bizarre case study, a cultural curio, a deeply fascinating -- albeit largely nauseating -- archetype, full of obvious but still mandatory lessons for us all.

But let us look, just for now, at the biggest one of all. This particular lesson comes straight from the universe itself. It flows and ebbs and floods over all of time, it reeks of blood and sex and huge explosions of exotic flowers, tells tales of history and warped leaders and sexual mayhem going back millennia. In other words, this lesson, as they say, has seen it all.

It goes something like this:

Dear eternally baffled, terminally horny humans: You can only poison your own soul for so long. You can only lie to yourself, your wife, your children, the nation, your own miserable and intolerant genitalia before the backlash, the recoil, the nasty acid reflux comes right back up to bite your *** in the cold, cold bathroom stall of life. Do you understand? Do you not yet see?

Do not, at the peril of your very spirit, at the risk of all that is beautiful and good and fluid and sexual and wet and sticky and right, hold so tightly, so violently to your narrow views of sex and love and human behavior that, when you are caught naked and shivering and salivating on your bed of nails doing exactly the thing your beliefs profess to hate, that your very soul explodes, the flowers wilt, the gods laugh and you are handed a tiny yellow ticket guaranteeing your return in the next life as a small, black, cancerous lesion on the underbelly of a hyena. OK?

Thus endeth the lesson.

Thoughts for the author? E-mail him.

Just How Gay is the GOP?
The Republicans have not changed one iota in 30 years, except to become the party of the fiscal irresponsible. They have, like the %26quot;Moral Majority,%26quot; been terrible hypocrites spouting %26quot;family values%26quot; for as long as it has been popular to do so...they vote down any and everything that has to do with true equality, and vote up any and all things that enrich the rich on the backs of the middle and poor classes. So what else is new? Craig innocent! Don%26#039;t be silly....there have been blogs long ago about this liar. And I expect his %26quot;partners%26quot; to come crawling out of the woodwork. The %26quot;I am not Gay%26quot; stuff reeks like %26quot;I am not a crook%26quot; we all heard many years ago from another Republican, Nixon! IT would seem that every dyed in the wool Republican whose platform for election is %26quot;family values%26quot; is suspect at this point. Prostitution and Gay have no problems in my life...I could care less, and I am Gay. BUT I do care when the same people caught in these messes are the very ones who have been so against us! This is very reminiscent of J.Edgar Hoover, who in his entire career made it a project to destroy all Gays...was a drag queen at home! Roy Cohn made a career off of destroying Gay men and serving as McCarthy%26#039;s lacky....died of AIDS, and was a very well known homosexual in Florida Gay circles...such liars..there must be a special hell for people like this, and it is far better when the hell is here on Earth, as is Craigs, Foley%26#039;s, and....the list will continue to grow, trust me on that one! Family Values indeed! The sooner this entire party dies, the happier I will be. And to think, there was a time when I was a Republican! I make myself sick thinking about it!
Reply:So it is not o.k to be that way? It is better to lie like our President G.W. Bush?! That is acceptable? It is acceptable for our President to tear down our Consitional Rights and take our freedom of speech away from us. IT is o.k for our President G.W. Bush to bring genocide to IRAQ? So it is better to be a liar than the other way?
Reply:Wow yer long winded. I%26#039;m Gay, and out and very Republican.

The reason I am a Republican is because the GOP has always served the country as a whole. My number one reason for being a Republican is because I am a Veteran and served during the last two decades of the Cold War. The Democrats did everything they could to support a victory, for the Soviet Union. This isn%26#039;t conjecture, there is a mountain of hard facts to prove it.

Another thing I really can%26#039;t stand about the Democrats is, they are a bunch of control freaks.

Democrats also cater to different groups to gain support and then push their agenda. In example, labor unions, the unions use extortion to get higher wages and benefits than the rest of us and they can do this because the Democrats set up the NLRB. The company just passes on the higher costs to us and we%26#039;re robbed.

I don%26#039;t mind giving to charity but when the government taxes me and then gives the money I worked for to charity, I have a problem with the government and the charities. This is another agenda of the Democrats I can%26#039;t stand.

Just because I%26#039;m Gay, it doesn%26#039;t make me a Democrat (Synonymous with Communist).

Is that Gay enough for you?
Reply:gay and stupid are not the same
Reply:is he really gay or is he being set up?

I cant believe a man as old as he is and as %26quot;fundamentalist%26quot; would set himself up like that. I believe someone is trying to get him to resign for their own purposes.
Reply:Sheesh...could you limit your question to a maximum of 20 words? lol
Reply:Id say 25 per cent of the married repubs are at least bi . but so rigid they act crazy .
Reply:Republicans suck.

They are too gay to admit it because then their religious support would diminish!
Reply:the forcast looks: closeted
Reply:Pretty gay, you know what they say about the ones who bash gays the hardest..

Larry Craig is so ugly, it%26#039;s laughable he thought the hot cop would be interested in him, now he%26#039;s the nation%26#039;s biggest joke.

The idiot seems to actually believe it%26#039;s not %26quot;gay%26quot; if you only have toilet sex.

books b

Best gear for a 100-mile hike in the summer?

2009-04-14T01:12:00.002-07:00

Imagine that you can outfit yourself for free for a 100 mile hike in a summer%26#039;s week of diligent walking. You%26#039;re trying to be inconspicuous and have as little contact with other people as possible during that week. Much of the hike will be cross-country, but a good bit will be along the roadside also.

What brand and size backpack would you choose?

What shoes (make %26amp; style) would you wear? For example: New Balance trail running shoes or Montrail hiking boots. (Specify model name if you have a preference.)

What shelter and bedroll would you carry? Tent or hammock? What make? Sleeping bag or just a blanket? (Remember, it%26#039;s a summer hike.)

Would you carry along a camp stove, and if so which model?

What sort of toiletries, tools and cleaning items would you take along?

What sort of clothes would you wear: fabric, cut, color?

What kind of food %26amp; drink would you carry, and how much?

What would all this stuff volume %26amp; weigh? Can you carry that much in the pack?

Best gear for a 100-mile hike in the summer?
I did the 93-mile Wonderland Trail around Mount Rainier last summer. A lot of what you ask depends on where you are hiking. Is it likely to be cold at night? Will you likely encounter bad weather (we had a snow flurry in August)? Is the trail level and well-maintained or will you be bushwacking through heavy plant growth and having to scramble up slopes?

There is a lot of personal preferences with stuff like this, but here are my picks:

Packs - For light and fast, I love my Kelty Shadow. It is very light, but still has plenty of pockets and padding. On the Wonderland, I took my big Kelty 50th Anniversary Special (6500 cu in) external which comfortably handled a 50lb load on long trails. For what you are talking about, you will need to carry at least 25-30lbs and probably want at least a 4000 cu in pack.

Shoes - After trying a wide range of hiking boots with varying results, I have settled on the REI Monarchs which have proven comfortable and rugged. If you are carrying a heavy pack, you will want the ankle and arch support of a hiking boot. You are asking for a sprain with trail runners. Trekking poles can take a lot of strain off knees and legs.

Stove - the JetBoil is the biggest backpacking invention since GoreTex. One of these puppies can boil a liter of water in 2.5 minutes, they use minimal fuel and pack up nice. I have stopped camp cooking entirely and just carry a JetBoil with freeze-dried food.

Water - Water is heavy. You don%26#039;t want to carry more than a gallon at a time (less if you can). If you are away from civilization, you will need to filter water out of streams and lakes. I like my SweetWater backpacker filter because it is easy to pump and easy to clean. I carry most of my water in a 3-liter camelbak bladder (max capacity, min weight) with an extra 1-liter Nalgene bottle to drink out of in camp.

Don%26#039;t forget electrolytes (the salts and minerals you sweat out). Some people carry gatorade or Gookinade packets, but these can be heavy and bulky from the extra sugar and flavors. Elete electrolyte concentrate contains enough drops for 16 liters in a little bottle the size of TicTac box.

Clothing - Avoid cotton. It does not try quickly. Synthetic cloth (nylon, polyprop) are the way to go (but becareful around fire) because they dry quicker and wick away moisture. Those zip-off pants that can turn into shorts are great for backpacking. Avoid carrying too much clothes - mix and match so you can dress in layers depending on the weather and always keep one set dry at all costs to wear in your tent (wet = cold). Invest in a really good rain shell (waterproof, comfortable, breathable). Marmot has some good ones - so does REI.

Tents and sleeping bags - If it is going to be warm the whole time, you can probably get by with a little fleece liner bag and one of those little emergency solar blankets as a fall-back. Many ultra-light packers go with just a tarp for cover - more power to them, but I prefer a little protection from bugs and wind. Many of the solo backpacker tents are only 3lbs or so (like the Sierra Design Baku). Or compromise and go with a bivy sack.

Depending on your strength, conditioning, and the trail conditions, you can carry about 50lb max and still be happy. Carrying less is always better. Unless you are really really roughing it, it would be tough to get under 35lb for a multiday backcountry trip.

See the gear guide on Backpacker magazines website for other recommendations (below).

books title c

Wardrobe Makeover/Beginning after being in the Military... can anybody offer any fashion tips, advice?

2009-04-14T01:12:00.001-07:00

After finishing up over 4 years in the military, I%26#039;ve noticed my wardrobe needs a complete makeover. I never had a reason to buy nice clothes before(Uniform and combat boots was all i needed) , but now that I will be going on job interviews and possibly getting a job in an office type setting, I need a complete wardrobe makeover. The brand of clothes I have now are a little to young for my age (I%26#039;m 24) . I have brands like baby phat, rocawear, eckored and lots of sweats!! LOL ..

So I need to step it up to brands like bannaa republic, JCrew stuff like that but they are quite expensive and I%26#039;ve noticed their cuts of fabric for the ladies on the small side (I%26#039;m 5%26#039;6 145) Are there other retailers that offer the same quality nice /business type apparel without being so expensive and ones that offer various different sizes to accomadate women over a size 4? Also I don%26#039;t want to dress to to old, but professional and trendy. Maybe %26quot;What not to Wear%26quot; can help?? LOL

thanks guys/gals!

Wardrobe Makeover/Beginning after being in the Military... can anybody offer any fashion tips, advice?
Thanks for serving! I was in for 11 years, so I know how you feel. My husband was in 25 and retired and bought 12!!! white shirts! He%26#039;s been through remedial wardrobe training now, though.

Do you look better in WARM colors:

ivory, tomato red, peach, orange, rust, golden yellow, lime, kelly, olive green, aqua, turquoise, teal, bright purple, caramel, chocolate brown, and gold jewelry? or

COOL colors:

white, pinks, cherry red, coral, lemon, mint, jade, hunter green, baby, royal, or navy blue, lavender, eggplant, gray, black, and silver jewelry?

Buy a few pantsuits and/or skirt suits, in neutrals from %26#039;your%26#039; group.

Add shoes that match the slacks or skirts [ black with gray, navy, or black; dark brown with brown, caramel, beige. ]

Buy tops in %26#039;your%26#039; brights or pastels, so the pretty colors are next to your face. Consider fitted Ts [ esp. with crochet, lace, embroidery, subtle beading ], wraps, and twinsets, and turtlenecks.

Save tanks, camisoles, halters, and logo or picture Ts for weekends.

Invest in some good jewelry, and buy a nice dress for the Christmas party!

Try:

JCPenney

Chadwicks

Newport News

Spiegel...all online,

and the sales or outlet section of department stores.
Reply:First, thank you for your service.It is appreciated.Now, the biggest piece of advice I could give you is don%26#039;t get caught up in trends.Stick with the classics.Straight leg trousers, nice mid-length skirts,button up shirts.A little more reserved.You sound very sensible so I%26#039;m sure you%26#039;ll make solid choices.You want clothes that will stand the test of time.Pinstripes will always be fashionable, as will a well cut suit!Best of luck to you in your new pursuits!

dental

Can I wear converse shoes with my skinny jeans?

2009-04-14T01:12:00.000-07:00

So I know I can wear heels and boots with my skinny jeans, but can I wear my converse sneakers with them too? They are the new black and white %26quot;tweed%26quot; fabric ones that came out this year. Or will this make me look like an 80%26#039;s freakshow?

Can I wear converse shoes with my skinny jeans?
My dress code at work is jeans and tennis shoes and I wear my skinny jeans to work sometimes, I don%26#039;t think it looks bad at all. Converse may look a little 80%26#039;s but who cares, that%26#039;s the style in a lot of places right now anyway.
Reply:I think that could be okay depending on how you spin it but you seem to have a good sense of what %26#039;s in so I say yes.....
Reply:not with skinny jeans...i dont like skinny jeans anywayz...but w/e style u like
Reply:yea u can actually it will look hell good
Reply:i wear converse with everything(except dresses)...it shows how i am(i write on them,have people sign them, and i have a charm on them, i even have my housekey on my shoes(laced it in)..it can show your personality wether ur dark,peppy, etc...why not wear them?
Reply:i think it depends what size shoe you wear.... but it would look alright i think i%26#039;m going to go try it out :P
Reply:My opinion is that skinny jeans look bad. period. But, if you like that style, I would stick to high heels. The converse shoes just wouldn%26#039;t look right, you know?
Reply:I think it%26#039;d took fab!
Reply:where whatever u think u look good in who gives a **** about what we think???? be yourself
Reply:no, that would look cute!

most people at my school wear converses with skinny jeans, its totally in right now.

p.s. i love those converses!!
Reply:Sure, why not? That doesn%26#039;t sound weird at all.
Reply:I do it all the time! Totally vintage and cute! you can deff. pull th is look off if you pair it with the right shirt.
Reply:yeah that would look great !
Reply:You%26#039;ll look like an 80%26#039;s reject if you wear skinny jeans. Period.

Credit Report

How can I keep my feet dry?

2009-04-14T01:11:00.003-07:00

I currently work outside 10 hours a day, and since its been below zero my feet get cold. This is because they get wet, my boots are well water proofed and my feet are getting wet from sweat. So how do I keep my feet dry. I usually change my socks at lunch but that isnt enough and i cant carry lots of socks. I am wearing socks that are made of wicking fabric.

How can I keep my feet dry?
Try using a spray antiperspirant on your feet. NOT the deodorant for your feet, just the regular antiperspirant, underarm kind. And also try using a product called Certain dri. You%26#039;d put it on at night and then use the spray in the morning. I use it and it does help. I use the Certain dri every few days. But I use the spray every morning.
Reply:You%26#039;re welcome. I hope it works for you too. Report It

Reply:get boots that have airflow..
Reply:change to different boots or try talcum powder
Reply:Try putting powder on your feet.
Reply:I used to work at a pharmacy and remember the pharmacist suggesting a roll on anti-perspirant called Certain-Dri. Yes, it was for the person%26#039;s feet, also a doctor prescribed it once for a patient%26#039;s feet. To be honest, the customer never told me if it worked or not. Alot of stores don%26#039;t stock it, but many pharmacies will special order it for you.
Reply:Try a swipe of stick anti-perspirant before you put on your socks.
Reply:you can try baby powder...
Reply:100% COTTON socks.
Reply:apart from using deodorant, maybe in powder form...go see a pharmacist...they will give you the best educated opinion...they may laso just tell tell that it%26#039;s natural and cannot be helped, or to change your boots...

- good luck.

Loan forum

So what would you think about this fall's collection?

2009-04-14T01:11:00.002-07:00

it seems like leggings, skinny jeans, and long tops will remain popular items for the fall. but to add on top of everything else, it looks like buffalo plaid shirts, overalls, suspender pants, western boots, denim vests, and gray-washed denim will be coming back in fashion for the fall. knitted fabric on hats will also be making a reappearance this year. believe it or not, peter pan fashion will be making its way into womens%26#039; wardrobe this fall.

now what%26#039;s to say for guys? skinny jeans will be new to the men%26#039;s line this fall and khakis will be making a full comeback with updated finishes and fits.

as much as i hate skinny jeans, i can%26#039;t wait to buy a pair of updated khakis and see how the girls wil react to the latest fads this fall.

so do you think this fall%26#039;s fashion will be hot or not?

So what would you think about this fall%26#039;s collection?
Looks like the 80%26#039;s is coming %26amp; the 70%26#039;s like fashion is going.

The mixing of fabric textures is really awesome but guess I perfer the slim fitted low cut slight flare pant leg. I hope the guys don%26#039;t go back to peg leggs and white sneakers %26amp; hope the girls don%26#039;t go back to stirrup pants and flat shoes!

Loan forum

Where can I get a Master Chief costume?

2009-04-14T01:11:00.001-07:00

I%26#039;m talkin bout the master chief from halo of course and i don%26#039;t want a really fancy one that%26#039;ll cost me $20,000 (on ebay) or even $100. I just want one that could be used for halloween and is mad of platic and fabric or whatever. Also it has to go around the whole body like chest, arm, legs, and back and boots if you can get them like that. I just want a cheap one that could be worn a couple of times. Plus i want a full helmet not a gay mask A FULL HELMET but again i just want a cheap one. so any info would be helpful. im about 5%26#039;5 if that helps.

Where can I get a Master Chief costume?
I don%26#039;t think they%26#039;ve made one. But you can get a replica of the Master Chief%26#039;s helmet if you get a copy of Halo 3 Legendary Edition. It%26#039;s about $130 for everything. You can%26#039;t wear it though...so it%26#039;s useless.
Reply:i have a full suit but its not for sale
Reply:I still puzzled how High N Dry%26#039;s comment was supposed to help you. I mean, my comment isn%26#039;t helping but I just wanted to point that out.

acne scar

Clothes help!?

2009-04-14T01:11:00.000-07:00

Do you think this sounds cute. I have a pink baby doll top with a little brown fabric. Also I have a cute pear of jeans to go with it. I wearing brown boots that look like they tie. A butterfly necklace. purple hoop earings. Earings that have a J on them.

Do you think that I should have a white belt around my waist. My mom and my sister says no what do you think.

Also this is for a talent show. I%26#039;m singing you found me by Kelly Clarkson. Oh ya I also have a jean jacket with it.

Clothes help!?
Okay, the belt is sssooo not a good idea. Sorry. =(, but it would be like going overboard just a tad. And this would bother me if I was watching you just a heads up- purple and pink and brown- DON%26quot;T match. Sorry again, maybe silver or pink, and ummm, no hoops. I read in %26quot;17%26quot; once and it said that if your earrings looks like a door knocker, then you shouldn%26#039;t wear it, but it said most hoop earrings should not be allowed either.
Reply:huh?....i wouldnt put the purple earrings with it but the rest sounds okay
Reply:GGGGGGGGGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRLLLL

Sorry about that but don%26#039;t over do it!

Maybe the white belt might be too much maybe not whatever you think!
Reply:i wouldnt wear purple earrings. i would wear pink, brown or silver. i agree with your mom and sister, dont wear a belt. i think it would be too much, and would look weird wearing a babydoll, thats supposed to go out on your stomach and then wearing a belt over it. everything else sounds really cute!!
Reply:Don%26#039;t go with the belt.

Either do the earings or the necklace, not both!
Reply:no 2 the jean jacket, belt, earings. every thing else matches an sounds awsome. but the rest is unesseray or id does not look good i picture it. hope u win and good luck
Reply:I think a belt would be too much especially if you are wearing a denim jacket and the top is printed and/or two or more different colors. It sounds cute but also sounds like you are trying too hard. Good luck at the talent show.
Reply:Honestly, no i think it sounds really ugly. It only sounds ugly because the colors you listed sound like they don%26#039;t match...... at all! because pink, brown, purple, and a white belt don%26#039;t match when they go togeether

php

Greaser day outfit? Top, Pants, Shoes, jewelry, hair, makeup?

2009-04-14T01:10:00.002-07:00

My school is having a %26quot;greaser day%26quot;, because of the book %26quot;The Outsiders%26quot;. I want to go all out and get really dressed up for it. I already have these shirts in mind (are these greaser-ish? The red one goes under the black one)

Choose Black:

http://www.wetseal.com/catalog/product.j...

Choose red:

http://www.wetseal.com/catalog/product.j...

are those greaser-ish?

I have pants covered: They%26#039;re like leggings almost. They cut off where leggings do%26amp; they%26#039;re that kind of fabric.

What about shoes?! I have these shoes that I MIGHT wear, but idk. They%26#039;re like short boots (go up a LITTLE above ankle) and they%26#039;re fake leather and have wide heels (not the skinny heels) but the heels are short. Should I wear those?

And then what accessories?! I have no clue whatsoever. I need bracelets and necklaces and earrings and anything else you can suggest :]

What about makeup? Didnt they have like heavy eyeliner

Greaser day outfit? Top, Pants, Shoes, jewelry, hair, makeup?
links dont work
Reply:Watch the video again, and pause on which outfit you like then copy it.

With what you have it is onlt for one Day.

books title c

Perfect outfit maybe (pic included)?

2009-04-14T01:10:00.001-07:00

There is a whole outfit in mind, it would consist of a white skirt with veil like fabric, like the one britney is wearing, a top similar to it as well and white pointy stilleto boots....

http://i292.photobucket.com/albums/mm27/...

And also, there is a popular show in Spain where girls wear plaid skirts like the one shown with long white socks and pointy mary-jane high heels, is that %26quot;in%26quot; style in the US?

http://i292.photobucket.com/albums/mm27/...

Perfect outfit maybe (pic included)?
neather are %26quot;in%26quot; in the us no 1 wares that kind of stuff
Reply:talk about EWW!
Reply:Is that Britney spears in the first one?

She%26#039;s everyone%26#039;s favorite person to hate right now... I wouldn%26#039;t exactly aspire to dress like her. Maybe a cute mini skirt?
Reply:oh my god girl...no to both.BIG NO
Reply:goodness gracious!
Reply:umm..no plz go 2 abercrombie.com aeropostale.com and buy any of tht stuff!!! and brittnay is sooo out!!!!!!!!! she is a crazy lady!! and boarding school is not chic!!
Reply:no seriously when you get to the us everyone is going to think you are a freak whore

want to know what we wear

Shirts(normal ones)

Jeans (tight or boot)

shoes (flats or sneakers or heals)

we don%26#039;t dress weird

we arent european

Auto Loan

Corset with suspender/garter clips... need help on stockings?

2009-04-14T01:10:00.000-07:00

Hi,

So, I have a lovely vintage corset with suspender / garter clips at the bottom.

Normally, I wear it with tights and tuck the clips inside but I would love to wear it properly, with stockings.

Once, just when I was getting ready, I cut the top off some tights and tried to attach them to the clips, but I think the nylon was a bit thin and they ripped.

The next time, I realised I had bought hold up stockings, and the top was too thick for the clip.

The third time, the stockings didnt come up high enough on my leg. I had to really stretch them to reach the clip, and the nub/button ripped through the fabric again, prob due to too much tension.

What am I doing wrong? What should I look for on the packaging when shopping for stockings?

I would really like to wear it tonight, but that will involve finding stockings at my local branch of Boots, which may not happen.

Corset with suspender/garter clips... need help on stockings?
You need to get the right size of stockings so you can attach the garters. You can cut a pair of tights or pantyhose but you must make sure they are long enough to reach the garters.

book

How do I make a superhero costume?

2009-04-14T01:09:00.002-07:00

I want to make an inexpensive, semi-high quality costume for myself. I%26#039;m basing it on a costume i designed in science class because I had nothing better to do, and I need help since ive never done this before. What%26#039;s the best thing for superhero boots and gloves? What can I use for the bodysuit? He also has a helmet. I want to make a really good cape, not like a fabric though, like the kind they use in movies. What can I use for the belt, it%26#039;s just a metal thing with it pointing up in the front.

How do I make a superhero costume?
foil duhh think shwaya

Adidas

Fancy dress help...?

2009-04-14T01:09:00.001-07:00

decided to go as woody from toy story to a movie themed party for new years... found hat n boots on e-bay, gonna make badge, button, drawstring etc. Thinkin about the cow print waistcoat, if i can buy one, i will, but i would also make one, as the fabric is available online.

Question is, where to get a pattern for the waistcoat, and how much fabric do i order?

Fancy dress help...?
fabricland
Reply:http://www.fitzpatterns.com/Pages/SUZY/2...

Downloadable waistcoat patterns

Good Luck :)
Reply:go to your local fabric shop, they usually stock on patterns.

flower

Help me please?

2009-04-14T01:09:00.000-07:00

where can i find white/tanishh or ivory haha or justl ilke white fashion winter boots ?

i really like the ones that used to be at cathy-jeans but they dont have them anymore.

they were white with like fabric and these ball things that hang off. please give me a link or tell me where i can buy some WHITE IVORY or BLACK fashion boots!

serious answers only

thanks=]

Help me please?
i got some really cute boots that are like the suede material with a rubber heal and fuzzy pom pom balls hanging off at jcpennies. they were by arizona or watever. i looked online and couldnt find tehm but u could always look in stores. Macys is having a shoe sale right now so that would also be a good place to look
Reply:payless

just look in the mall! they are soo in now soo alot of places are saling them too.

you should also try sperry%26#039;s.

theyre amazing and cute. just look them upp

theyre great

good luck

acne scar